humor...value of a #2 pencil and obama at the pearly gates

[RIHMFIRE]

The value of a # 2 pencilï
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School .
Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the back.
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the arm.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that darn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.

Right after Obama looses the 2012 election...he trips over his teleprompter and dies...
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.
'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter,
Obama climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet
again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic
looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again,
'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up.'
Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can hardly
contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this
truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once
again repeats his question:
'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is by now,
totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you
look exhausted, 'Would you like a cup of coffee?'
Obama says, 'Yes please!' As God looks behind him,
he claps his hands and yells out:
'Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!'

[FWiedner]

I can think of worse jobs than being G_d's gopher.

[AJMD429]

I can think of worse jobs than being G_d's gopher.

Yep. Aren't we all...?

[Rube Burrows]

I can think of worse jobs than being G_d's gopher.

What is with the "_" instead of just spelling it?

[FWiedner]

I can think of worse jobs than being G_d's gopher.

What is with the "_" instead of just spelling it?

It's an act of respect.

[Rube Burrows]

I can think of worse jobs than being G_d's gopher.

What is with the "_" instead of just spelling it?

It's an act of respect.

For who? Im honestly asking?

[FWiedner]

The Guy who runs the plant behind the pearly gates.

[gamekeeper]

Very funny, got to remember those two..

[buckeyeshooter]

The value of a # 2 pencilï
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School .
Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the back.
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the arm.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that darn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.

Right after Obama looses the 2012 election...he trips over his teleprompter and dies...
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barrack Obama meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.
'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter,
Obama climbs the ladder in great strides,
climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet
again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic
looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again,
'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up.'
Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can hardly
contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this
truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once
again repeats his question:
'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is by now,
totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you
look exhausted, 'Would you like a cup of coffee?'
Obama says, 'Yes please!' As God looks behind him,
he claps his hands and yells out:
'Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!'

1st of all ---- Obamma is not going upstairs. Look for him at the big bondfire with someone sticking a pitchfork in his azz!

[Rube Burrows]

The Guy who runs the plant behind the pearly gates.

Ok, I was just wondering. Lots of people these days try to be PC and not say his name or are afraid to offend someone else.

[rogn]

Right now in some backwater of some country ending in -an there is someone with a formal towel wrapped around his head putting a bounty/fatwa on Rihmfires head.

[Ysabel Kid]

[Idahoser]

I can't figure out how it's respectful to not print a name.

I always thought it was done to avoid spam filters that block out the word.

[BAGTIC]

"God" is not a name. It is a title like Sir, Boss, Mister.

Would one spell those words 'S-r', 'B-ss', or 'Mstr' to show respect? Of course not, just the opposite.

[Jayhawker]

Relax guys. In Jewish tradition, it's not considered proper to spell out G_d's name where it may be erased. It's a sign of respect.