Body language and how to read it.

[Paladin]

This is the best discussion I have seen on how to "READ SOMEONE", even after having a few classes on how to do it for work.

[url] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_BNo76X7w4 [url]

[AJMD429]

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This is sort of related and seems like good advice…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex8NNJaiH5M

And another on the defense act itself…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x29jYrVVJak

[jeepnik]

As soon as he said he knew every trick. And introduced the guy as the number one worlds expert, I turned it off.

Body language is always there. You don't need a class from the "number one worlds expert" to read it. All you have to do is pay attention.

Simple example. I went into a sales meeting, something I rarely did, to give a hand to a new sales engineer. Turns out my partner showed up too. His background is more in sales, I was more technical. During the pitch the director leaned forward and was paying very close attention to those doing the talking At one point the director leaned back in his chair. Meeting was over. But the two "salesmen" kept right on talking. I tried a couple of times to ease them out but they were oblivious. Finally did get them out rather bluntly, but it worked.

Outside in the parking lot the sales types were upset I tried to end the meeting "early". Me being me, I ripped into them and let them know that if we didn't get the contract, it was because they didn't know when to just shut up. I explained that having been on the other side of the table for a long time I knew the second he leaned back he was done, and wanted to get on with the rest of his day. And these knuckleheads completely missed it.

Oh, we got the contract. But only after the director called me and ask me to drop by when I got the chance. I was due to be at a customer down the street later that week and arranged to drop by. The director had only two questions. First, would the salesman be handling the account. I said yes, that he was new but pretty sharp. Then he ask if I would be "overseeing" the new sales guy. My answer was simply that, that was my job.

When it comes to working with people the two most valuable tools you have are your eyes and ears. Your mouth is way down the list.

[JimT]

When it comes to working with people the two most valuable tools you have are your eyes and ears. Your mouth is way down the list.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19 NIV

[AJMD429]

As soon as he said he knew every trick. And introduced the guy as the number one worlds expert, I turned it off.

Body language is always there. You don't need a class from the "number one worlds expert" to read it. All you have to do is pay attention.
...//...
When it comes to working with people the two most valuable tools you have are your eyes and ears. Your mouth is way down the list.

Yep. And just taking a moment to 'put yourself in their position' will often help you to tailor what you say to what they actually want or need to hear. The dude leaning back was probably a 'just give me the summary and spare the details' kind of guy, and goes from interested to bored to irritated in about two minutes.

'Empathy' is of course good in 'constructive' situations (including contracts, sales, etc.), but to a degree is helpful in dealing with the dude who tries to mug you. One time with a knife at my throat my 'empathy' was what probably toned down the adrenaline and kept the dude focused on the task at hand (getting 'gas' [drug] money from me) versus what he was about to do (make me bleed all over the place). Not that I wouldn't have put a bullet in his chest had I had the chance (I was carrying a Super Blackhawk in a shoulder holster).

[jeepnik]

Doc, knives hurt. Not right away, that comes later. But it's what you do between the sticking and the hurting that makes all the difference. Of course, getting arrested did pretty much make me angry enough not to care about the hurt for a while longer.