HUMOR - Genesis v.1.1

Old Ironsights · Post by **Old Ironsights** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:17 pm

A Story of Creation

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.

Then God said, "Let there be light."

Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part. At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place.

He replied that he just liked to be Creative.

Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made.

Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.

The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time.

God agreed, saying he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night."

Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."

The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.

Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."

Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.

Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.

Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....

At this point, God created Hell.

Andrew · Post by **Andrew** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:57 pm

I needed that, thanks!

Jeeps · Post by **Jeeps** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:00 pm

So Satan was a bureaucrat? Sounds about right

EDIT: Maybe that's why the tape is red?

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:44 pm

505stevec · Post by **505stevec** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:23 pm

I like it

Jaguarundi · Post by **Jaguarundi** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:42 am

So the devil is in the details...

Gun Smith · Post by **Gun Smith** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:31 am

You must have tried to develope a piece of land in Kalifornia.

Old Ironsights · Post by **Old Ironsights** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:26 pm

Gun Smith wrote:You must have tried to develope a piece of land in Kalifornia.

I work for a small Architectural firm that tries to get the custom houses we design actually built in snobby Lakefront "communities" run (on the weekends - when people are there) by elitist Chicago Swine.

(6 months to get permission to do the borings so you can request permission to do the testing to ask for permission to design a septic system????)

May as well be Kali.

Peter M. Eick · Post by **Peter M. Eick** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 9:08 am

My wife says the last line should be:

"at that point he created global warming!"

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:26 pm

Jeeps wrote:So Satan was a bureaucrat? Sounds about right
EDIT: Maybe that's why the tape is red?

Now THAT was funny!