OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
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Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
- Sixgun
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OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
I usually don't post things that are not related to guns but I thought some of these were great. ----Sixgun
The World's Shortest Books
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
____________________________________________
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Forward by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
by Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
by Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
by Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by
the Rev. Jess Jackson
________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
by Nancy Pelosi
The World's Shortest Books
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
____________________________________________
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Forward by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
by Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
by Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
by Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by
the Rev. Jess Jackson
________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
by Nancy Pelosi
- El Chivo
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Jewish Sports Legends
Principles of Female Logic
Principles of Female Logic
"I'll tell you what living is. You get up when you feel like it. You fry yourself some eggs. You see what kind of a day it is."
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
First post belongs in political forum.
Second, with its anti-semitic content, belongs in delete file
Second, with its anti-semitic content, belongs in delete file
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
El Chivo's comment I'm sure was not anti-semitic. Have you not ever seen the movie AIRPLANE?
Just an observation.
Just an observation.
- Ysabel Kid
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
"The Wit and Wisdom of...
Jimmy Carter
Walter Mondale
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Al Gore
Barack Obama
Jimmy Carter
Walter Mondale
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Al Gore
Barack Obama
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
How to run a successful Presidential campaign
by Walter Mondale
by Walter Mondale
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
That was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the thread title...JNG wrote:El Chivo's comment I'm sure was not anti-semitic. Have you not ever seen the movie AIRPLANE?
Just an observation.
I need to watch it again in fact.
We've got to get these people to a hospital.
What is it?
A place where they take sick people but that's not important right now.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Leslie Nielson could deliver a line with the best straight face of anyone I have ever seen.
short book:
Things Elvis wouldn't eat!
by Mrs. Presley
short book:
Things Elvis wouldn't eat!
by Mrs. Presley
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
How to do facial expressions for actors and the subtle nuances thereof!
by Chuck Norris
How not to steal a scene in a movie when you are a supporting actor!
by Sam Elliott
How to be a believably macho character in a movie!
by Dustin Hoffman
by Chuck Norris
How not to steal a scene in a movie when you are a supporting actor!
by Sam Elliott
How to be a believably macho character in a movie!
by Dustin Hoffman
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
El Chivo wrote:Jewish Sports Legends
Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.
Bob in NE Indiana
Don't look back something might be gaining on you.
-Leroy "Satchel" Paige
-Leroy "Satchel" Paige
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Half A Jock.
By the Chinese author Wun Hung Lo.
Don
By the Chinese author Wun Hung Lo.
Don
- El Chivo
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
mouthpiece wrote:First post belongs in political forum.
Second, with its anti-semitic content, belongs in delete file
Fair enough, however I fail to see how the old joke is "anti" anything. Being a sports legend or not being a sports legend is not exactly criticism. More like an observation or a stereotype.
That one has been around long before "Airplane". I used to work in a comedy club and just about all the comedians used it. But that was before political correctness.
I noticed you didn't stand up for women - my second comment was incredibly insensitive and degrading to women.
"I'll tell you what living is. You get up when you feel like it. You fry yourself some eggs. You see what kind of a day it is."
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Well, the topic IS short books and your done on page one. So maybe El Chivo is still right.soon 2 retire wrote:El Chivo wrote:Jewish Sports Legends
Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.
Bob in NE Indiana
Gobbler
Click Click Boom
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Borrowed from a fictional book on the Falklands War where some Brit troops did the same thing, one of their black troops offered up :
"Notable Negro politicans of the Third Reich" and "Ethiopian gourmet cuisine" (this was in the early 80s remember).
Military humor.
"Notable Negro politicans of the Third Reich" and "Ethiopian gourmet cuisine" (this was in the early 80s remember).
Military humor.
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
+1soon 2 retire wrote:El Chivo wrote:Jewish Sports Legends
Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.
Bob in NE Indiana
cable
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Oh by the way, did anyone mention this not an outpost for political correctness?
If you're gonna be stupid ya gotta be tough-
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
+1Rusty wrote:Oh by the way, did anyone mention this not an outpost for political correctness?
2x22
"Yes, we did produce a near-perfect republic. But will they keep it? Or will they, in the enjoyment of plenty, lose the memory of freedom? Material abundance without character is the path of destruction." - Thomas Jefferson
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
I agree completely-- but as Sandy Koufax was my idol I had to give hearty +12X22 wrote:+1Rusty wrote:Oh by the way, did anyone mention this not an outpost for political correctness?
2x22
And no offense meant to anyone
cable
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Mostly humorous, but still political.
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
I'm sure I can come up with many more names: Al Rosen, Lou Boudreau, Red Auerbach. However I made a mistake with Rick Barry, his wife is Jewish and his kids are but he is not; he is however a dual citizen of the US and Israel. I only made the list because of all the books mentioned this is the only one that had greater than zero entries (sorry ladies but I've been married to one of you for 38 years). And I made the list for my new Jewish son-in-law (as of New Year's Eve 2010).Gobblerforge wrote:Well, the topic IS short books and your done on page one. So maybe El Chivo is still right.soon 2 retire wrote:El Chivo wrote:Jewish Sports Legends
Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.
Bob in NE Indiana
Gobbler
Bob in NE Indiana
Don't look back something might be gaining on you.
-Leroy "Satchel" Paige
-Leroy "Satchel" Paige
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
I wish everyone could just lighten up. Either that or maybe this post should go to the political.
Always Drink Upstream From The Herd
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Political short book---
Conservative news anchors on CBS, NBC, and ABC.
by Dan Rather
How to get along on pennies a day.
by John Kerry
The good points of sobriety.
by W.C. Fields
Conservative news anchors on CBS, NBC, and ABC.
by Dan Rather
How to get along on pennies a day.
by John Kerry
The good points of sobriety.
by W.C. Fields
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
-
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
You have my interest, what's the title?MrMurphy wrote:Borrowed from a fictional book on the Falklands War
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
How to speak English without an accent.
by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
How to be sensitive and politically correct.
by John Wayne
How to hit the high notes.
by Johnny Cash
Why writing songs is difficult and time consuming.
by Hank Williams and Marty Robbins
by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
How to be sensitive and politically correct.
by John Wayne
How to hit the high notes.
by Johnny Cash
Why writing songs is difficult and time consuming.
by Hank Williams and Marty Robbins
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
- Sixgun
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Hey, this is gettin' good. How about:
"Everything You Need To Know About Truck Driving"
by Griff
"My Time Spent With Bolt Action Rifles"
by Kirk D.
"Hanging Out In New Jersey"
by Mike D.
"How NOT To Be An Idiot"
by Sixgun
"Everything You Need To Know About Truck Driving"
by Griff
"My Time Spent With Bolt Action Rifles"
by Kirk D.
"Hanging Out In New Jersey"
by Mike D.
"How NOT To Be An Idiot"
by Sixgun
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
A travelers guide to the hottest mexican food to be found.
by Papabear
(I am teasing him because I have hunted with him in Hondo, and he really is a good man. He also dislikes jalapeno peppers.)
Why boys should never go hunting before they are 10 years old.
by Joe Riekers (86er)
1001 reasons why you should never shoot at a target beyond 100 yards.
by Cowboy Tutt (haven't met him face to face yet, but I think he can handle a little bit of teasing)
by Papabear
(I am teasing him because I have hunted with him in Hondo, and he really is a good man. He also dislikes jalapeno peppers.)
Why boys should never go hunting before they are 10 years old.
by Joe Riekers (86er)
1001 reasons why you should never shoot at a target beyond 100 yards.
by Cowboy Tutt (haven't met him face to face yet, but I think he can handle a little bit of teasing)
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
- MajorCordite
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
How Not To Interrupt Your Guests
by Bill O'Reilly
__________________________________
10 Easy Steps To Modesty
by Rush Limbaugh
__________________________________
How to Accurize Your Levergun
by Barry Obama
__________________________________
...and the World's shortest book ever:
How to Reduce Our Government and Other Tips for Self Reliance
by President B. Obama
by Bill O'Reilly
__________________________________
10 Easy Steps To Modesty
by Rush Limbaugh
__________________________________
How to Accurize Your Levergun
by Barry Obama
__________________________________
...and the World's shortest book ever:
How to Reduce Our Government and Other Tips for Self Reliance
by President B. Obama
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
"Reason To Own & Carry A Gun"
By: Diane Fienstien
Illustrations Chuck Shumer
Forward Michael Bloomberg and Richard Daly
"Cooking With Tofu"
By Sarah Palin
By: Diane Fienstien
Illustrations Chuck Shumer
Forward Michael Bloomberg and Richard Daly
"Cooking With Tofu"
By Sarah Palin
Always Drink Upstream From The Herd
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Bob, knowing this group of fellas, no harm was meant. Let's face it, there are somethings that are just not apart of a culture. Not many of us red neck trailer park kids are currently working on DNA research teams. We had different paths that usually involve things that explode, chug, puff or otherwise make loud noises or create potential physical harm. There's a few who made it, but it's a pretty short list, so all the reason to be more proud of them. It's also good and healthy to laugh at ourselves. Our differences are actually what makes the world interesting.soon 2 retire wrote:I'm sure I can come up with many more names: Al Rosen, Lou Boudreau, Red Auerbach. However I made a mistake with Rick Barry, his wife is Jewish and his kids are but he is not; he is however a dual citizen of the US and Israel. I only made the list because of all the books mentioned this is the only one that had greater than zero entries (sorry ladies but I've been married to one of you for 38 years). And I made the list for my new Jewish son-in-law (as of New Year's Eve 2010).Gobblerforge wrote:Well, the topic IS short books and your done on page one. So maybe El Chivo is still right.soon 2 retire wrote:El Chivo wrote:Jewish Sports Legends
Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.
Bob in NE Indiana
Gobbler
Bob in NE Indiana
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
The Italian book or War Heros.
The Irish book of knowledge.
The Irish book of knowledge.
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
The Irish list of sober men. (I am mostly Irish)
Jay Cutler's tips on how to play through the pain for an opportunity to play in the big game.
Jay Cutler's tips on how to play through the pain for an opportunity to play in the big game.
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
- Sixgun
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Hey, hey, hey......I'm half Italian!stanforth wrote:The Italian book or War Heros.
The Irish book of knowledge.
"Italian Women Who Went To Debutant School"
"Polish People Who Belong To Mensa"
"African Males Who Practice Monogamy"
I gotta stop before I get clobbered as many more came to mind. -----------Sixgun
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
"How to Keep One's Post Count Low"Sixgun wrote:Hey, this is gettin' good. How about:
"Everything You Need To Know About Truck Driving"
by Griff
"My Time Spent With Bolt Action Rifles"
by Kirk D.
"Hanging Out In New Jersey"
by Mike D.
"How NOT To Be An Idiot"
by Sixgun
by Ysabel Kid
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
"How to pick up ugly chicks."
by Old Savage
Gobbler
by Old Savage
Gobbler
Click Click Boom
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
How to not pee off every single person at Leverguns.com
by Potlikker
by Potlikker
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
That would have been the shortest book ever!
Dave B
Dave B
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Re: OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books
Hey, I'm (South) African and my wife and *both* my girlfriends say you must watch your tongue!Sixgun wrote: "African Males Who Practice Monogamy"