Best heard exaggerations

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 6:32 am

Okay so lets hear the best exaggerations you have "heard" (cuz we all know no one here would ever tell a fib or embellish a story) about hunting, shooting or otherwise. Let's leave out fish stories as we would soon run out of space on the internet to store them all if we included fisherman.

Gobblerforge · Post by **Gobblerforge** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 6:59 am

Well there I was, dear hunting the bottoms, when this doe comes through with this yearling following real close behind her. I mean close. The closer they got, well I could see the yearling was holding on to the tail of the doe in it's mouth. Well the doe stopped and the yearling started to feed and all was normal. Then the doe stomped it's foot and the yearling picked it's head up and sniffed around and got ahold of the tail again. The doe walked a little bit then stopped. The yearling let go of the tail and started to feed. The same thing happened three times before I realized, this yearling must be blind. Sure enough, this is how the kept together. Well feeling sorry for the little one having to have such a hard life, I decided to take it instead of the doe. Waiting for the yearlings head to be up out of the weeds I figured to shoot just as it tried to find the tail. Well the doe stomped, the yearling brings it's head up and gets the tail just in it's mouth. I lined up real good on the yearlings head for a brain shot but I must have pulled some because I missed the head but instead shot the tail off the doe. Darn it. Now the doe takes off but the yearling is just standing there with this tail hanging out of it's mouth and I was about to take another shot when the thought occurred to me that the drag was gonna be long and up hill. So quiet as I could, I snuck up to the yearling, gently grabbed the tail and led it all the way back to the truck. Then I harvested it and had no dragging.
Gobbler

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:03 am

that is just plain wrong.

Gobblerforge · Post by **Gobblerforge** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:38 am

Your welcome.

Wish it was mine but I heard it many years ago.
Gobbler

TedH · Post by **TedH** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 8:53 am

That is a great "tail"!

Noah Zark · Post by **Noah Zark** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:30 am

I got one of those new diamond and ceramic sharpening stone sets for Christmas, the one that claims to sharpen knives like no other. I used it for the first time last night, and it sharpened my knife SO sharp, the shadow of the knife blade chopped off two legs of the kitchen table before I could shut off the kitchen light.

Noah

Bogie35 · Post by **Bogie35** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:04 am

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Thanks!

Bogie

Les Staley · Post by **Les Staley** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:48 am

My dad told me about a lake near our home that was surrounded by rubber trees.. so much of the root systems were in the water, that the water absorbed the rubber... in winter time no one could spud a hole in the ice as the ice was so rubbery your spud would just bounce off... the only way you could fish this lake was to lay a worm on the clear ice, a fish would swim up against the ice, stretching it up so much that a quick poke with a nail would let the ice snap back down over the fish, leaveing it flopping on the ice... I never fished this lake, but my dad did.... Les

JimT · Post by **JimT** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:04 am

The Mule Deer in southern Arizona are Desert-Tough. I once shot one clean in half and both halves got away!

Pisgah · Post by **Pisgah** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:44 pm

A hunting buddy: "I was so mad at myself for missing that buck, my head lierally exploded!"

Me: "Well, you talk better out of the bloody stump of your neck than you ever did out of your mouth."

Mescalero · Post by **Mescalero** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 1:47 pm

Calling coyotes one night, a nighthawk landed in front of my face and bobbed his head up and down in front of me; I burst out laughing.

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 1:49 pm

It was so cold last night, that I saw a dog stuck to a fire hydrant this morning...

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:39 pm

I always wanted a pair of alligator boots, but as you may well know they are pretty expensive. So I decided to try to get them myself. I headed in to the swamp and spotted a pool with several gators in it. I dove in and one by one I wrestled em to shore. All I can say is I must have picked the poorest darn alligator pool in the swamp. Not one of them gators was wearing shoes, let alone boots. I still do not have a pair of alligator boots.

Mescalero · Post by **Mescalero** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 2:50 pm

Mine really happened.

Sixgun · Post by **Sixgun** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 4:56 pm

I heard a fanny burp is the sharpest thing in the world---it can cut right through your pants and not make a hole.

----------------------Sixgun

El Chivo · Post by **El Chivo** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 5:09 pm

once I saw a mosquito sucking blood from my arm, so I made a fist and tightened my skin so the mosquito couldn't back out. He kept sucking and sucking until he blew up like a balloon and finally popped.

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 5:13 pm

El Chivo wrote:once I saw a mosquito sucking blood from my arm, so I made a fist and tightened my skin so the mosquito couldn't back out. He kept sucking and sucking until he blew up like a balloon and finally popped.

You are lucky it was not a Texas mosquito. I had a friend from up north come to visit once. He got bit by a Texas mosquito and before he could get it swatted it drained him and he shriveled up like a prune. He had to have a three pint transfusion and to this day he is still wrinkled up like a 90 year old man. You could never tell he was only 31.

mikld · Post by **mikld** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 5:17 pm

Oh Man! I gotta roll up my pants legs for some of these...

iceman · Post by **iceman** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 5:20 pm

If I told you guys once I've told you a thousand times, don't exagerate.

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 5:21 pm

Hmmmph....Big Skeeters? In washington, two huge skeeters knocked a fella off his feet. The two skeeters decided to eat him right there, in cast the bigs ones at home took him away from them.....

Shasta · Post by **Shasta** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 6:36 pm

The wife used to have a big ol' tom cat that didn't like me and I dang sure didn't like it. That cat took a swipe at me once, so to get even I dosed him up with a bottle of Croton Oil.

Last time I saw that cat, he was headed over the hill with three of his buddies. One was digging, one was burying, and the third was scouting for more territory!

Booger Bill · Post by **Booger Bill** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 7:31 pm

That boy is tall enough to hunt geese with a rake.
Mam, that steak is so thin it`s only got one side to it!
He`s dumber than a hammer.
He was so mean he got threw out of a apache camp for being too warlike.
Yer so blind ya cant find yer butt with both hands.
Yer slower than molass`s in january.
We escaped by the skin of our teeth.
He took off like a homesick angel.
She`s so skinney she has ta lay down in a shower ta get wet!
He`s full of pee & vinigar.
I will pound knobs on yer head!
I will put cha in orbit!
Is a pig`s butt pork?
She`s uglyier than sin.
He`s crazier than a pet coon!
Yer breath will floor a billey goat!
The closer to the bone, the sweeter the meat!
He sweated like a one legged evangelist in a butt kicking contest.
He`s so dumb he couldnt pour pee out of a boot with the directions wrote on the heel!
you would give a dog`s butt heartburn.
She`s jailbait and yer ripe for the slaughter!
He will steal the penneys off a deadman`s eyes.
She drove like a bat outta hell!
He drove like he wuz poessed!
He was drunker than a skunk!
My knee`s were knocking so bad I couldnt stand!
She could peek through a key hole with both eyes!
She could eat a watermellon through a pickit fence!

Old No7 · Post by **Old No7** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:34 pm

A priest was walking towards the church when he saw a boy playing with some liquid in a glass bottle. When he asked what it was, he learned the boy was playing with gasoline.

"Gosh no", said the priest "That's much too dangerous. Here, take my Holy Water instead."

The kid replied "No, I don't want any plain 'ol water".

"But this is special water", said the priest "It is HOLY water, and if I drip it on the belly of a pregnant woman and rub it in -- she will pass a healthy child."

"Why that's nothing!" said the kid "This gas may not be special... But if I wipe it on the belly of a cat and rub it in -- It will pass a sports car!!!"

Anyway... I'm really surprised this post hasn't turned political... Yet..................

Old No7

Booger Bill · Post by **Booger Bill** » Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:53 pm

This jogger was at a stoplight jumping up and down getting ready for the light to change when a guy in a sports car pulled up and jokeinly challanged him to a drag race. The runner sez ok, the light turned green and they took off. The runner was actualy starting to beat the car and all the sudden he went butt over tea kettle off the side of the road. The driver pulled over, walked back and asked him what happened. The jogger was all scuffed up, bleeding and said I blew out a tenner shoe!

Gobblerforge · Post by **Gobblerforge** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:51 am

Anyway... I'm really surprised this post hasn't turned political... Yet..................

Old No7[/quote]
We want it to stay funny.

Gobbler

piller · Post by **piller** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:37 am

His nose was so long that it turned the corner 10 seconds before he did.
Her butt was so big that she took 2 trips to haul ***
His ranch was so big it took up 3 postal codes.
He was so homely that he didn't take a gun hunting, he just uglied them deer to death.

Bluehawk · Post by **Bluehawk** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:20 am

I was down in Fort POlk LA in august of 1970 It got so hot there one day the corn growing in the fields popped the cows thought it was snow and froze to death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

milton · Post by **milton** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 1:00 pm

I have a friend that was plowing a mule in south Alabama many years ago.It was perhaps one of the hottest summers on record for the area with temperatures in the 100's and very high humidity.The poor mule was suffering more that the man plowing him and even at night while in the barn the heat was so oppressive the friend wondered if the mule was going to make it!
He came up with an idea and while another man worked the mule he painted snow scenery inside the barn.When he put the mule up that night he watched him for a while and dang if the new scenery didn't seem to relax the mule some.The next morning he arrived at the barn early to see how the mule was resting and dang if the poor ole thing didn't freeze to death at night!!

fordwannabe · Post by **fordwannabe** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 1:18 pm

My guide for a pig hunt in Ga was talking about the skeeters and said...." I ain't saying their big but, the other day I come around a bend in the road and seen one Standing flat footed and "having relations" with a full growed turkey."

He didn't exactly say having relations ,but it is a family friendly site. Tom

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 1:22 pm

The fishermen have nothing on this crowd. Keep em coming.

Ben_Rumson · Post by **Ben_Rumson** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:31 pm

It was so cold Isaw me a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets..

Boreman · Post by **Boreman** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:38 pm

She was so ugly it would make a freight train take a dirt road !!!!!!

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:46 pm

Ben_Rumson wrote:It was so cold Isaw me a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets..

When you talk about cold, now I know cold. I have been where it was colder than a cast iron toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:52 pm

That's right boys, never let the truth git in the way of a good story.

Last year it got so hot here on our little ranch that one day I looked outside and saw the cows all roll over on their backs and start giving themselves a milk shower to cool off.

A week later I saw an oak tree move across the yard trying to stay in it's own shade.

RobertS · Post by **RobertS** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 5:36 pm

That skeeter was so big-- it had two ticks on it!

stew71 · Post by **stew71** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 5:50 pm

I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Kansas Ed · Post by **Kansas Ed** » Tue Jan 11, 2011 6:28 pm

I once worked with a guy who lied about everything...I mean everything. You couldn't trust a thing he said. He was always talking about mushroom hunting morel's down by the Palisades in Swan Valley ID. I didn't believe that Morels were at that altitude..and he told me that he picked them by the grocery bag every year. One spring he asked if I wanted to mushroom hunt with him...and true story...we went to his "spot" and we walked out with at least 2 plastic grocery bags crammed full of them in less than 2 hours...made me feel like a total fool...I've never seen Morel's that thick. So I now reserve a little wonder at those "tall tales".

Ed

El Chivo · Post by **El Chivo** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:00 am

it's cold enough to freeze the nuts off a steel bridge

.Dirty-.Thirty · Post by **.Dirty-.Thirty** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:33 pm

I once said... The deer are rutting so good I saw a doe running a buck

shooter · Post by **shooter** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:13 pm

The 'skeeters are so big around here, the other day I heard two of them talking. One said to the other, "Should we eat him here or carry him down to the creek to finish him off?"

"It's colder than a well digger's butt in a Montana snowstorm"

"It's hotter than two weasels mating in a wool sock"

"I've gotta pee so bad my back teeth are floating"

"I'm so hungry, my stomach thinks my throat's been cut"

Old Ironsights · Post by **Old Ironsights** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 4:54 pm

"A College Education is a valuable asset"...

rusty gunns · Post by **rusty gunns** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:23 pm

She's so ugly, even the tide wouldn't take her out!

anachronism · Post by **anachronism** » Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:42 pm

He's so darn slow that I have to give him a 2 minute head start, just so he can keep up with me.

WinM71 · Post by **WinM71** » Sat Jan 15, 2011 11:17 pm

He's so slow he has to speed up to stop . . . . . .

awp101 · Post by **awp101** » Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:46 am

My buddy commenting on the recoil of a French MAS36 he owned:

"It kicked so hard it knocked me silly. When I came to, it was kicking the guy at the next bench!"

We've used that line a number of times between us since...

Canuck Bob · Post by **Canuck Bob** » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:07 am

"Texas is big" up here it would make a decent sized county.

If you want to see skeeters try the Canadian Arctic in july, your undergunned with a 410 and the only repellant that works is gasoline, burning.

Up north the skeeters aren't the problem, its Bulldogs, a version of the southern horse fly that eat bulldogs when it can't find grizzlies.

Canada is a frozen wasteland, nonsense, we get 5 weeks of summer every couple years or so.

Amazing but every year a million Boone and Crockett trophies get away.

Honest, I dropped that moose at 700 yards! These 243's are deadly accurate.

Leverguns are obsolete, anyone not hunting with at least a 7MM Magnum isn't ethical.

Turnips taste good (yeah for cattle feed).

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:53 am

I like em, except that disrespectful lie about Texas.

MistWolf · Post by **MistWolf** » Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:42 am

I remember on year as a young'un I went hunting with my father & grandfather high up in the mountains in Utah. We got hit by a blizzard and was stuck in the hunting shack till spring. At one point, it got so cold, it froze the flame of our matches. That made it difficult to talk because our words froze coming out of our mouths and we had put them in a frying and thaw them to hear what we were saying. The worst was about Thanksgiving as we were so desperate for food, an old barn owl which had taken up residence in the shack started to look like a turkey. Grandpa finally chased that owl all over the shack and took an ax to it. He pulled out an old oak cutting board and put the owl on it with what was left of our meager supplies of peas and potatoes. We cooked it for a week straight, constantly basting that tough old bird with it's own juices. When Thanksgiving came around we tossed out that old owl and ate the board. Strangely, since that trip, Grandma has never let Grandpa cook a Thanksgiving dinner

SJPrice · Post by **SJPrice** » Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:52 am

MistWolf wrote:I remember on year as a young'un I went hunting with my father & grandfather high up in the mountains in Utah. We got hit by a blizzard and was stuck in the hunting shack till spring. At one point, it got so cold, it froze the flame of our matches. That made it difficult to talk because our words froze coming out of our mouths and we had put them in a frying and thaw them to hear what we were saying. The worst was about Thanksgiving as we were so desperate for food, an old barn owl which had taken up residence in the shack started to look like a turkey. Grandpa finally chased that owl all over the shack and took an ax to it. He pulled out an old oak cutting board and put the owl on it with what was left of our meager supplies of peas and potatoes. We cooked it for a week straight, constantly basting that tough old bird with it's own juices. When Thanksgiving came around we tossed out that old owl and ate the board. Strangely, since that trip, Grandma has never let Grandpa cook a Thanksgiving dinner

I know what you mean. It is a pain having to thaw em one at a time so the conversation does not get all confused.

Post by **AmBraCol** » Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:48 am

A buddy took me out goose hunting. The geese were flying so high we had to add rock salt to our loads so they wouldn't spoil before they hit the ground.