HUMOR - When can I retire?

Old Ironsights · Post by **Old Ironsights** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:00 pm

Dress Code Policy
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Day Policy
We will no longer accept a doctorâ€™s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Earned Leave Policy
Each employee will receive 104 earned leave days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Earned leave days are only available if your supervisor does not need you to work on Saturday and/or Sunday. Therefore, earned leave days may only be taken with the approval of your supervisor.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the â€œChronic Offenders category.â€

Jarhead · Post by **Jarhead** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:10 pm

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:17 pm

I think I may have worked there in the past!

1886 · Post by **1886** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:24 pm

Most will never will be able to retire in a financially advantagious position. 1886.

mescalero1 · Post by **mescalero1** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:28 pm

Wait a minute!
I can do it now!

TedH · Post by **TedH** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:46 pm

JReed · Post by **JReed** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:49 pm

Ha!

stormspotter · Post by **stormspotter** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:57 pm

I retired from that place 2 years ago.

It's called the U. S. Postal Service.

I was once told, by my supervisor, that I needed to schedule my emergency at a more opportune time. (My father was having bypass surgery)

mescalero1 · Post by **mescalero1** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:05 pm

Stormspotter,
Did you tell him he was a moron?
Obviously he did not know!

stormspotter · Post by **stormspotter** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:52 pm

I called him something a couple of feet below his shoulders.

I told him to mark my leave "denied" and I would take it to a friend, who worked at the local newspaper, and he would have a field day with it.

mescalero1 · Post by **mescalero1** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:54 pm

Much better than my answer!