Things I Learned About Texas ...

COSteve · Post by **COSteve** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:20 pm

● A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
● There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
● There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.
● If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
● Onced and Twiced are words.
● It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
● Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
● People actually grow, eat and like okra.
● Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
● There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
● Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
● The word jeet is actually a question meaning, "Did you eat?"
● You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
● You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
● Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
● You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
● You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
● The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
● You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
● You know what a hissy fit is and you don't have em, you pitch em.
● Fried catfish is the other white meat.
● We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

RIHMFIRE · Post by **RIHMFIRE** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:20 pm

Rube Burrows · Post by **Rube Burrows** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:34 pm

All of those are so true.....not only for TEXAS....but the whole SOUTH.

Post by **Hobie** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:47 pm

Rube Burrows wrote:All of those are so true.....not only for TEXAS....but the whole SOUTH.

Y'all is right about that!

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:48 pm

Ya missed the one about what your grandmother meant when patted ya on the head and tole ya, "well... ain't you just p-r-e-c-i-o-u-s!"

horsesoldier03 · Post by **horsesoldier03** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:52 pm

There are actually SIX spices! You forgot BBQ Sauce.

Lastmohecken · Post by **Lastmohecken** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:56 pm

Dinner is at noon and supper is the evening meal, 100% right!

That reminds me of a fellow I used to work with that came from California, and I will never forget the puzzled look on his face, when I asked him if he wanted to go eat dinner with us. This confounded him for about a week till finally he figured it out, that Dinner = Lunch for us, and if we wanted to invite him over for a meal after work it was Supper.

edwardyoung · Post by **edwardyoung** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:06 pm

Y'all is never singular.

pwl44m · Post by **pwl44m** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:57 pm

Sorry Folks, it is - Breakfast - Lunch - and Dinner or Supper. Prunes grow on trees !
Perry

FWiedner · Post by **FWiedner** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:14 pm

horsesoldier03 wrote:There are actually SIX spices! You forgot BBQ Sauce.

They use 'sauce' for BBQ in Kansas.

In Texas it's a 'rub'.

Sixgun · Post by **Sixgun** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:42 pm

You forgot another. Everyone one (except Griff) that I have dealt with from Texas needed 2 or more calls to get my money.

-------------------Sixgun

FWiedner · Post by **FWiedner** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:46 pm

Sixgun wrote:You forgot another. Everyone one (except Griff) that I have dealt with from Texas needed 2 or more calls to get my money. -------------------Sixgun

To you, or from you?

kimwcook · Post by **kimwcook** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:38 pm

In North Dakota dinner is the midday meal and the evening meal is supper. People used to look at me funny when I first moved back there and said lunch.

Warhawk · Post by **Warhawk** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:33 pm

Bless your heart

pokey · Post by **pokey** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:03 am

Microsoft Corporation
One Microsoft Way
Redmond, WA 98052-6399

Tel 425 882 8080
Fax 425 936 7329
http://www.microsoft.com

For Immediate Release

Dear Microsoft Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS XP TEXAS EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the state of Texas.

If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The TEXAS EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS XP, with a background picture of Willie Nelson superimposed on the Alamo.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct tape" pops up
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TEXAS EDITION:

Cancel - stopdat
Reset - try'er agin
Yes - yep
No - nope
Find - hunt fer it
Go to - over yonder
Back - back yonder Help - hep me out here
Stop - kwitit
Start - crank'er up
Settings - settins
Programs - stuff at duz stuff
Documents - stuff ah done did

Also note that the TEXAS EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS XP:
Tiperiter - word processing program
Colerin' Book - graphics program
Cyferin' mersheen - calculator
Outhouse paper - notepad
Inner-net - MS Internet Explorer
Pitchers - graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the TEXAS EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all ya'll!

Billy Bob Gates

vancelw · Post by **vancelw** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:08 am

FWiedner wrote:
Sixgun wrote:You forgot another. Everyone one (except Griff) that I have dealt with from Texas needed 2 or more calls to get my money. -------------------Sixgun
To you, or from you?

He better mean, "from him," cause the other ain't true! Take it back sixgun or somebody'll come snatch you bald-headed

COSteve · Post by **COSteve** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:19 am

pokey wrote:Microsoft Corporation
One Microsoft Way
Redmond, WA 98052-6399

Tel 425 882 8080
Fax 425 936 7329
http://www.microsoft.com

For Immediate Release

Dear Microsoft Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS XP TEXAS EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the state of Texas.

If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The TEXAS EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS XP, with a background picture of Willie Nelson superimposed on the Alamo.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct tape" pops up
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN TEXAS EDITION:

Cancel - stopdat
Reset - try'er agin
Yes - yep
No - nope
Find - hunt fer it
Go to - over yonder
Back - back yonder Help - hep me out here
Stop - kwitit
Start - crank'er up
Settings - settins
Programs - stuff at duz stuff
Documents - stuff ah done did

Also note that the TEXAS EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS XP:
Tiperiter - word processing program
Colerin' Book - graphics program
Cyferin' mersheen - calculator
Outhouse paper - notepad
Inner-net - MS Internet Explorer
Pitchers - graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the TEXAS EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all ya'll!

Billy Bob Gates

bdhold · Post by **bdhold** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 11:01 am

Vinegarone, TX, where it's poisonous, sticks you and bites you - plants and animals all

But if you keep going downhill, this is what you'll find

● Whiskey is for drinking, and water is for fighting over

● You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Cholula and ketchup.

mikld · Post by **mikld** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 11:49 am

Yep, that's whut I lernt 'bout Texas. I delivered Dr. Pepper in Ennis, Tx fer a spell...

bdhold · Post by **bdhold** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:05 pm

Warhawk wrote:Bless your heart

Are you mad at us? We say this when we want to cuss

Bill in Oregon · Post by **Bill in Oregon** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:00 pm

What, no mention of hellapeenies and vyeenies?

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:18 pm

Warhawk wrote:Bless your heart

Oh yeah, forgot that one myownself!!! Bulldog, I expect you to know the answer to that!

Walker · Post by **Walker** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:04 pm

Y'all forgot the Folger's can of bacon grease in your spice rack. (Lost my dog in a sand storm in Odessa at the age of 5 - should be a C&W hit. Horned toad took its place.)

Take care,

tw

Warhawk · Post by **Warhawk** » Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:19 pm

bulldog1935 wrote:
Warhawk wrote:Bless your heart
Are you mad at us? We say this when we want to cuss

Nah, not mad at anybody. Just got a new regional boss who's been in town this week.

Overbearing, obnoxious, yankee @$$ from California. He's been spouting off every negative thing he can think of about Texas. A lot of the same stuff in this thread.

I'm glad he's on a plane headed back to where ever he came from!

1894c · Post by **1894c** » Sat Nov 19, 2011 1:04 am

I'm a transplanted Yankee -- and even Yankees know that you don't mess with TEXAS... :)

claybob86 · Post by **claybob86** » Sat Nov 19, 2011 1:24 am

pwl44m wrote:Sorry Folks, it is - Breakfast - Lunch - and Dinner or Supper. Prunes grow on trees !
Perry

In rural areas of Texas, as well as other states, the noon meal is the major meal of the day and it's called DINNER! Just because it's different in YOUR world doesn't change that. Sorry.

gimdandy · Post by **gimdandy** » Sat Nov 19, 2011 9:46 am

l've enjoyed this . Thx Costeve

93marshooter · Post by **93marshooter** » Sat Nov 19, 2011 3:20 pm

Don't know what ya'll think so funny bout a grammer lesson.

Bis · Post by **Bis** » Sat Nov 19, 2011 4:50 pm

If you are going to give some one a ride, you are going to carry them. Such as, I carried my neighbor to town.
If you have a pond on your place it is called a tank.
If you have a stream on your property its a branch.
The dinner thing can get you in trouble. When I first moved here (Texas) from of all places Calif., I worked at a Chevy agency. One morning I was on a guys truck and was told he would be here at dinner to pick it up. I figure I have till about five to finish, wrong.

vancelw · Post by **vancelw** » Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:06 pm

Bis wrote: If you have a pond on your place it is called a tank.
...
The dinner thing can get you in trouble.

In some parts of Texas it's a tank, but in northeast Texas it's a pool. To qualify as a lake it has to be pretty big (how big? Who knows.)
The dinner/supper thing. Around my house and all my relatives' house it has always been breakfast, dinner, supper. We lived in the Northern Plains a while when I was a kid and I visit there once or twice a year now. I also married an Ohio yankee. One day my mama invites us to come over for dinner and I say, "sure." About noon-thirty I get a call from my puzzled mother wondering if we were coming to dinner today. I says, "sure", and it dawns on my what I've done

Needless to say, we rushed over. Of course, I told the wife it was all her fault for poisoning my mind

piller · Post by **piller** » Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:39 am

The right side of the car in front of you is the side you pious it on. Espeshully if'n they is tarnin' laft. Don't NEVER tarn right from the lane, yuh gotta move to the side of the rode ta tarn right or yuh will git runned inta. Solid lines on the rode don't mean nuthin'.
Poppers is little things made from jalapenos that yuh jist pop in yer mouth and eat. They ain't hot as they is jist jalapenos.
Folks follerin the speed limit is jist them folks whut kaint drive. Twenny mile per hawr in the skool zone is only iffn the cops are wachin yuh. Otherwize it is sixty.
Gravy is fer breakfast, good on biskits and chikin, and is its own food groop. Pico is that chopped stuff like a salsa, only not as wet, that yuh put on yer breakfast burrito. It has to have a bite er it jist aint enny good.
Finully, WE DONT SPEEK INGLUSH in TAYKSUS, we speek Tayksun. It is a combination of German, Czech, Comanche, Spanish, Caddo, and a little bit of English thrown in for spice. Do any of you remember seeing former President George W. Bush speaking Spanish fluently, but stumbling over English. That is totally normal here.

Meeteetse · Post by **Meeteetse** » Sun Nov 20, 2011 10:40 pm

I moved from Wyoming to Texas a few years ago and it has been like moving to a foreign country, no pun intended. I still don't understand the Texican language. In fact, Spanish may be easier. My German Grandmother would have felt right at home in the hill country, and my Scottish Grandfather, who spoke gutter Spanish he learned working in the mines of southern Colorado, could have communicated with everyone.

I found out that you don't go hunt'n, you go to the lease, feed the deer with corn and "akerns" and. ."sit in your stand". Snakes are for collecting not kill'in. All ants bite, but the smallest ones bite the worst, and most honey bees ain't, they are killer bees, and they can and do.

BBQ doesn't mean cooking steaks or burgers on the grill, that's grill'in. And BBQ seems to be brisket, polish sausages in sauce, beans, coleslaw and white bread. In fact, in west Texas it is hard to find a good steak house. Most Texans have never seen a trout and west Texas whitetail deer are the size of a yearling mule deer. I was almost embarrassed when I shot my first eight point and field dressed it weighted 95 pounds.

The one other thing I have learned is native Texans are proud and "Remember the Alamo" really does mean something. The Texas constitution retained the "right of secession from the Union" and I truly believe that Texas will exercise that right if they thought it necessary. The first thing they ask when you move to Texas is what church do you attend? The next thing is where you're from? If you are a Northerner, they look at you differently, cause the war of Northern aggression didn't end, it just stopped for a while. Because I'm native to Wyoming I was accepted well. One person told me Westerner's didn't know the Civil War was going on till it was over. He's probably right. Takes some gett'in used to, but I think I like it here.

vancelw · Post by **vancelw** » Sun Nov 20, 2011 11:50 pm

Meeteetse wrote:I moved from Wyoming to Texas a few years ago and it has been like moving to a foreign country, no pun intended. . . The first thing they ask when you move to Texas is what church do you attend? The next thing is where you're from? If you are a Northerner, they look at you differently, cause the war of Northern aggression didn't end, it just stopped for a while. Because I'm native to Wyoming I was accepted well. One person told me Westerner's didn't know the Civil War was going on till it was over. He's probably right. Takes some gett'in used to, but I think I like it here.

Don't worry. I'm a 6th generation Texan. The family cemetery is covered with Confederate markers. But because my parents were home missionaries in the Northern Plains during the 60's and 70's and we left family up there, I get labeled a Yankee pretty often. I just chuckle at their ignorance. Usually I can ask where their family came from and it shuts them up.

It amazes me how many ties that Montana and Texas have in history. The European and Scandinavian immigrants came later.

My friends and I laugh about different definitions. They sent me after some slip-joint pliers one day. I asked if that was anything like Channel-locks? If a guy in MT says he needs a new outfit, he doesn't mean clothes, me means he needs a new pickup (or whatever he drives.) Funny stuff.

JBledsoe · Post by **JBledsoe** » Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:15 am

.

Why do the most meaningless threads run the longest?

.

claybob86 · Post by **claybob86** » Mon Nov 21, 2011 11:21 am

It's not required reading...

JBledsoe · Post by **JBledsoe** » Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:59 pm

.

My best photo of Texas.

.

Grizzly Adams · Post by **Grizzly Adams** » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:00 pm

Breakfast, Dinner, and Supper. Lunch is what you carry in a paper sack

!

COSteve · Post by **COSteve** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:30 am

Deleted

bsaride · Post by **bsaride** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:37 am

I'm larnin alot, might move to Texas next year

Bis · Post by **Bis** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 6:40 pm

bsaride- you ought to come out here and look around, its a whole new world and it is wonderful. I was born and raised in So. Cal., live there 55 years. Been out here in East Texas 10 years now and love it. The people are great, housing is cheap and it is gun friendly.

20cows · Post by **20cows** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:01 am

I like it here.

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 10:27 pm

Bis wrote:bsaride- you ought to come out here and look around, its a whole new world and it is wonderful. I was born and raised in So. Cal., live there 55 years. Been out here in East Texas 10 years now and love it. The people are great, housing is cheap and it is gun friendly.

I'll second that. I left So.Cal. in '90 and other'n the weather, I ain't missed nuttin'. Personally, I ain't found anyplace that I couldn't complain about... and no place that I couldn't like... (if only _______________)!