Humor in medicine

[AJMD429]

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Many times as a patient is frightened or embarrassed about something going on medically, humor can be used to break the ice or lighten the mood and help the patient relax, so I sometimes say some off the wall things. Usually they are well received, but of course sometimes I misjudge the degree of sense of humor the patient may have.

It also happens that sometimes patients will say things that are funny, but the best ones are when they are not intentional.

The other day a patient told me she had "dire-rear" and indeed the area was rather raw and could be described as "dire".

Then there is the one who comes in periodically with a flare up of her back pain and tells me that she thinks it's her "psychotic nerve".

[Drawdown]

Doc, I didn't know you gets patience from all way down hears where I's live? Lol

[piller]

Around here, it is the sonic nerve. They take metter-ill for bludd pershir, and zombie-calm for sleep.

[JimT]

In my younger years I dated a pretty gal who had a "psychotic nerve" ... and it was real easy to activate. I think that was when I learned that "pretty" ain't everything.

[piller]

Zombie-calm comes in 5, 10, 6.25 ER, and 12.5 ER strength. Flares are what you send to a funeral. Afar is something burning.

[Pisgah]

As a patient, I like doctor jokes. I try to have one for each specialist I see.

Example:

Used to be, an orthopedic surgeon needed to be dumb as a rock and strong as an ox. These days, they have power tools.

[AJMD429]

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When I was a pharmacy student and we were trying to learn how to pronounce all the different drug names there was a combination antidepressant called "Trilafon".

I said 'trill-ah-fon' but my friend said 'try laughin'....made sense for an antidepressant.

[Griff]

While in horseshoein' school, I had a piece of welding slag hit my left eye just outside my cornea... They sent me to my doctor, who upbraided me for being so careless... kept muttering about "...¼" to the right and you'd be blind..." I finally asked, "ok, but am I going to die?" He stopped, looked at me... and we both cracked up! Yes, I wear a face shield now! I don't care how stupid it might look... My eyes ain't near as good as they used to be... but they're still mine and function... after a fashion. I guess nowadays they can do a cornea transplant, but t'wasn't heard of back in 1974.

[Sixgun]

On the news today a nurse from the hospital in Philly was missing last night.....they found her this morning, under the dock.

And it's always easy, when entering a hospital, who the head nurse is.......she's the one with the dirty knees.

[piller]

One question on the form for the vaccinations mentions guillan barre syndrome. The folks in Mexia, TT have let me know that it is pronounced Gwillem Bear, not that French sound like geeyon barray. A blood clot in your brain causes a sterk. A serguhcal reevmal of your laig is an ampshun.
They do not speak English there. It is a language with no more than 2 possible syllables to a word. Sillbulls. Didn't is prnunsd as dint. If my spelling looks like I have lost my mind, it is just because I am trying to spell it the way it is spoken there.

[rossim92]

As a patient, I like doctor jokes. I try to have one for each specialist I see.

Example:

Used to be, an orthopedic surgeon needed to be dumb as a rock and strong as an ox. These days, they have power tools.

When I go to get my colonoscopy, i ask the doctor where do i send the bill, when he asks why does he get a bill. I reply that this is the best piece of *** he will ever get

[AJMD429]

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Once after taking a small dark 'mole' off a woman's perianal region, I had put the specimen in a vial for transport to the lab, and the patient was really anxious, as she is a physician and had seen a close-up photo of it she had her husband take, which looked like a textbook photo of 'melanoma'. So as she sat up she asked "well, what do you really think it it is...?"and (since I knew her well enough to joke) I looked at it, wrinkled my brow, and solemnly said "This is what a really nice piece of a-- looks like...". We both cracked up. I was glad to provide a smile when she was on edge with fear. Pathology did later confirm the bad diagnosis, but we got it all and no additional surgery was needed.

[Ysabel Kid]

[kaschi]

I remember telling a doctor just before getting the prostate exam that I better not see hands and fingers on both shoulders!

[piller]

I cannot help but crack up at the way some people are embarrassed about the prep for a colonoscopy. It is a lot of sitting on the throne. Cancer is worse.

[AJMD429]

I cannot help but crack up at the way some people are embarrassed about the prep for a colonoscopy. It is a lot of sitting on the throne. Cancer is worse.

I just tell them to imagine their 5th-grade kid tried to make them a pitcher of margarita and forgot the booze and ice chips. Add some rum flavoring and crushed ice and go for it.

[Drawdown]

I had no questions before my colonoscopy 2 years ago, only one requests, actual command! Doc, whatever you do, don't let me wakeup till you're done!

[stretch]

I cannot help but crack up at the way some people are embarrassed about the prep for a colonoscopy.

I've only had one of them.

From the moment i walked into the hospital, everyone asked, "Did you drink all of the prep?"

"Yes, I did."

So finally we get to the nice young lady who checks me in. "Did you drink all of the prep?"
"Yes, I did."
"Could you sign here to authorize us to treat you and bill your insurance?"
"Sure."
" Would you like a written copy of your patient rights?"
"No, thanks - I'm all set. .........But wait a minute: You're gonna strip me naked as the day I was born, take away my glasses so I'm blind,
drug me out of my mind, and stick a tube with a camera 25,000 feet up my backside. What remaining patient
rights are we actually talking about here?"



-Stretch

[bmtshooter]

My wife once woke up in the middle of a colonoscopy, when the IV needle backed out of the vein. It definitely freaked out the doctor more than it did her.

[piller]

Emergency rooms have seen things which would make most of us wonder about the people we see on the street. I cannot give many details. One place I worked had a person come in for nausea. They left with a prescription for promethazine suppositories. They come in foil strips which one has to be peeled off from it and have the foil removed. This person was back about 2 hours later to have the suppository removed. It was still in the foil, and was causing a little damage and a LOT of pain.

[piller]

https://images.app.goo.gl/gWheGHg2jJ2taf1t5
This one has been cut away from the rest, but not removed from the foil. It is what the patient shoved into their rectum.