To Start Off 2020 ...

[JimT]

Musical Instrument and musician jokes ..

Bagpipes

I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equaled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
Alfred Hitchcock

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Tuba

How do you fix a broke tuba?
With a tuba glue.

What do you call an arrogant tuba player?
A brasshole.

What's the difference between God and a tuba player?
God doesn't think he's a tuba player.

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Ukulele

What do a ukulele and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

What is the difference between a ukulele player and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.

What is perfect pitch with a ukulele?
When .. from across the room .. you can toss it in the trash without hitting the rim.

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Banjo

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A tattoo.

What's the difference between a banjo and an AK-47?
The AK only repeats thirty times.

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Accordion

What is the range of an accordion?
About 20 yards if you have a good arm.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the accordion but doesn't.

What is the difference between an accordion and a chainsaw?
The chainsaw can be tuned.

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Drums

For my next trick, I intend to eat a
percussion instrument in a sandwich.
Drum roll please...

My wife rotates playing her drum, guitar or flute once a month.
It's part of her minstrel cycle.

Did you know that Al Gore was booted as the drummer from his high school band and replaced with a drum machine?
It turns out they preferred a digital beat over an Al Gore rhythm…

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Guitar

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar. I replied, “Is that a fret?”

Why are so many guitar players jokes one-liners? So the rest of the band can understand them.

What’s the difference between an extra-large pizza and a guitar player? The pizza will feed a family of four.

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Flute

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that flute I saw you with last night?” The other replies, “That was no flute, that was my fife.”

Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Flutist: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

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What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments?
Violint

Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments?
Domestic violins!

What was the skeleton’s favorite instrument? Trombone.

Why do bagpipers walk while playing? To get away from the noise.

[Blaine]

The most musical insect??
Potato Bug
It's plays on the tuber....

[Griff]

I suppose those were funny 2 years ago.... But over time, they've lost their tune!

[JimT]

The most musical insect??
Potato Bug
It's plays on the tuber....

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[AJMD429]

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[2ndovc]

Bumper sticker I saw on a VW Micro Bus years ago: Play the Accordion, Got to Jail!!

jb

[rossim92]

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trying going to a rodeo , creep on stall where a bull is pinnedd in with rider on top and place a burning cigarette on that spot on the bull and then run. If the bull doesn't get you, the rider just might.