Humor -- Differences between men and women

[alnitak]

Found this on the SASS board. Thought I'd share.


1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth, and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Scrappy.


2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.


4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.


6. CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.


10. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


12. OFFSPRING

Ah,children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

[OJ]

I like it !!!

However, as Jeff Cooper used to say ,"The differences between men and women was one of God's better ideas".

[J Miller]

I pretty much agree with all of them but #6.
Anybody kicks my cats and they best be able to run a lot faster than I can.

Joe

[OJ]

What's a cat???

[Old Ironsights]

I pretty much agree with all of them but #6.
Anybody kicks my cats and they best be able to run a lot faster than I can.

Joe

I'm with Joe here...

But then, the Tom I rescued before Christmas is really a 10lb dog that uses a litterbox.

Ever seen a cat that heels and catches frisbies like a retriever? This one does.

[Ysabel Kid]

Ever seen a cat that heels and catches frisbies like a retriever? This one does.

Yep. Had a 16-pound tom that was my constant companion. Wanted to be where ever I was. Would wrestle and chase stuff and retrieve it. Even taught it to shake. It was an all-gray short-hair, and I still miss him (he passed 6 years ago). Haven't ever been this long without a cat. The one I had growing up - just as talented - was also about 16 pounds. It was all white, with two different colored eyes.

[mescalero1]

Had a black cat I found up on the reservation,
named her Two Crows.
I would go shooting carp with my bow in the Del Rio drain.
Two Crows would go into the water up to her chest, and haul them out for me.
I got some wierd looks from the locals!