OT-Humor--The World's Shortest Books

[Sixgun]

I usually don't post things that are not related to guns but I thought some of these were great. ----Sixgun

The World's Shortest Books

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

by Barack Obama
____________________________________________

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS

by Tiger Woods
____________________________________________

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Forward by George Soros
________________________________________

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA

by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
by Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE

by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
by Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
by Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by
the Rev. Jess Jackson
________________________________

AND, JUST ADDED:

My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
by Nancy Pelosi

[El Chivo]

Jewish Sports Legends

Principles of Female Logic

[mouthpiece]

First post belongs in political forum.

Second, with its anti-semitic content, belongs in delete file

[JNG]

El Chivo's comment I'm sure was not anti-semitic. Have you not ever seen the movie AIRPLANE?
Just an observation.

[RKrodle]

Thats some funny stuff right there.

[TedH]

[Ysabel Kid]

"The Wit and Wisdom of...

Jimmy Carter
Walter Mondale
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Al Gore
Barack Obama

[piller]

How to run a successful Presidential campaign
by Walter Mondale

[awp101]

El Chivo's comment I'm sure was not anti-semitic. Have you not ever seen the movie AIRPLANE?
Just an observation.

That was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the thread title...

I need to watch it again in fact.

We've got to get these people to a hospital.

What is it?

A place where they take sick people but that's not important right now.

[piller]

Leslie Nielson could deliver a line with the best straight face of anyone I have ever seen.

short book:

Things Elvis wouldn't eat!
by Mrs. Presley

[piller]

How to do facial expressions for actors and the subtle nuances thereof!
by Chuck Norris

How not to steal a scene in a movie when you are a supporting actor!
by Sam Elliott

How to be a believably macho character in a movie!
by Dustin Hoffman

[soon 2 retire]

Jewish Sports Legends

Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.

Bob in NE Indiana

[Nazgul]

Half A Jock.

By the Chinese author Wun Hung Lo.

Don

[El Chivo]

First post belongs in political forum.

Second, with its anti-semitic content, belongs in delete file

Fair enough, however I fail to see how the old joke is "anti" anything. Being a sports legend or not being a sports legend is not exactly criticism. More like an observation or a stereotype.

That one has been around long before "Airplane". I used to work in a comedy club and just about all the comedians used it. But that was before political correctness.

I noticed you didn't stand up for women - my second comment was incredibly insensitive and degrading to women.

[Gobblerforge]

Jewish Sports Legends

Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.

Bob in NE Indiana

Well, the topic IS short books and your done on page one. So maybe El Chivo is still right.
Gobbler

[MrMurphy]

Borrowed from a fictional book on the Falklands War where some Brit troops did the same thing, one of their black troops offered up :

"Notable Negro politicans of the Third Reich" and "Ethiopian gourmet cuisine" (this was in the early 80s remember).


Military humor.

[hfcable]

Jewish Sports Legends

Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.

Bob in NE Indiana

+1

[Rusty]

Oh by the way, did anyone mention this not an outpost for political correctness?

[2X22]

Oh by the way, did anyone mention this not an outpost for political correctness?

+1

2x22

[hfcable]

Oh by the way, did anyone mention this not an outpost for political correctness?

+1

2x22

I agree completely-- but as Sandy Koufax was my idol I had to give hearty +1
And no offense meant to anyone

[Batman1939]

Mostly humorous, but still political.

[soon 2 retire]

Jewish Sports Legends

Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.

Bob in NE Indiana

Well, the topic IS short books and your done on page one. So maybe El Chivo is still right.
Gobbler

I'm sure I can come up with many more names: Al Rosen, Lou Boudreau, Red Auerbach. However I made a mistake with Rick Barry, his wife is Jewish and his kids are but he is not; he is however a dual citizen of the US and Israel. I only made the list because of all the books mentioned this is the only one that had greater than zero entries (sorry ladies but I've been married to one of you for 38 years). And I made the list for my new Jewish son-in-law (as of New Year's Eve 2010).

Bob in NE Indiana

[SJPrice]

I wish everyone could just lighten up. Either that or maybe this post should go to the political.

[piller]

Political short book---
Conservative news anchors on CBS, NBC, and ABC.
by Dan Rather

How to get along on pennies a day.
by John Kerry

The good points of sobriety.
by W.C. Fields

[awp101]

Borrowed from a fictional book on the Falklands War

You have my interest, what's the title?

[piller]

How to speak English without an accent.
by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

How to be sensitive and politically correct.
by John Wayne

How to hit the high notes.
by Johnny Cash

Why writing songs is difficult and time consuming.
by Hank Williams and Marty Robbins

[Sixgun]

Hey, this is gettin' good. How about:

"Everything You Need To Know About Truck Driving"
by Griff

"My Time Spent With Bolt Action Rifles"
by Kirk D.

"Hanging Out In New Jersey"
by Mike D.

"How NOT To Be An Idiot"
by Sixgun

[piller]

A travelers guide to the hottest mexican food to be found.
by Papabear
(I am teasing him because I have hunted with him in Hondo, and he really is a good man. He also dislikes jalapeno peppers.)

Why boys should never go hunting before they are 10 years old.
by Joe Riekers (86er)

1001 reasons why you should never shoot at a target beyond 100 yards.
by Cowboy Tutt (haven't met him face to face yet, but I think he can handle a little bit of teasing)

[MajorCordite]

How Not To Interrupt Your Guests
by Bill O'Reilly
__________________________________

10 Easy Steps To Modesty
by Rush Limbaugh
__________________________________

How to Accurize Your Levergun
by Barry Obama
__________________________________
...and the World's shortest book ever:
How to Reduce Our Government and Other Tips for Self Reliance
by President B. Obama

[SJPrice]

"Reason To Own & Carry A Gun"
By: Diane Fienstien
Illustrations Chuck Shumer
Forward Michael Bloomberg and Richard Daly

"Cooking With Tofu"
By Sarah Palin

[C. Cash]

Jewish Sports Legends

Just off the top of my head, Max Baer, Sandy Koufax, Hank Greenberg, Benny Leonard, Battling Levinsky, Y.A. Tittle, Mark Spitz, and NBA great Rick Barry.

Bob in NE Indiana

Well, the topic IS short books and your done on page one. So maybe El Chivo is still right.
Gobbler

I'm sure I can come up with many more names: Al Rosen, Lou Boudreau, Red Auerbach. However I made a mistake with Rick Barry, his wife is Jewish and his kids are but he is not; he is however a dual citizen of the US and Israel. I only made the list because of all the books mentioned this is the only one that had greater than zero entries (sorry ladies but I've been married to one of you for 38 years). And I made the list for my new Jewish son-in-law (as of New Year's Eve 2010).

Bob in NE Indiana

Bob, knowing this group of fellas, no harm was meant. Let's face it, there are somethings that are just not apart of a culture. Not many of us red neck trailer park kids are currently working on DNA research teams. We had different paths that usually involve things that explode, chug, puff or otherwise make loud noises or create potential physical harm. There's a few who made it, but it's a pretty short list, so all the reason to be more proud of them. It's also good and healthy to laugh at ourselves. Our differences are actually what makes the world interesting.

[stanforth]

The Italian book or War Heros.


The Irish book of knowledge.

[piller]

The Irish list of sober men. (I am mostly Irish)

Jay Cutler's tips on how to play through the pain for an opportunity to play in the big game.

[Sixgun]

The Italian book or War Heros.
The Irish book of knowledge.

Hey, hey, hey......I'm half Italian!

"Italian Women Who Went To Debutant School"

"Polish People Who Belong To Mensa"

"African Males Who Practice Monogamy"


I gotta stop before I get clobbered as many more came to mind. -----------Sixgun

[Ysabel Kid]

Hey, this is gettin' good. How about:

"Everything You Need To Know About Truck Driving"
by Griff

"My Time Spent With Bolt Action Rifles"
by Kirk D.

"Hanging Out In New Jersey"
by Mike D.

"How NOT To Be An Idiot"
by Sixgun

"How to Keep One's Post Count Low"
by Ysabel Kid

[Gobblerforge]

"How to pick up ugly chicks."
by Old Savage

Gobbler

[C. Cash]

How to not pee off every single person at Leverguns.com

by Potlikker

[Dave B]

That would have been the shortest book ever!

Dave B

[Retro]

"African Males Who Practice Monogamy"

Hey, I'm (South) African and my wife and *both* my girlfriends say you must watch your tongue!