OT-Humorous Hunting Stories

[Old Time Hunter]

Well after reading the "uncomfortable" and the strange outdoor topics, I thought it might be time to reflect on some of our own humorous hunting events....I know that I have a bunch, but I'll start with this:

Way back when Moby Dick was bait for Bass, say around '66 or '67, I was in my apprentice years of deer hunting. My father's whole gang went back then, I would guess they still do, but not with the same gusto. They were still all in their late 30's or early 40's so sleep was something in the far future for them, it was 0430 up, 0530 out to the woods, back in around 1630 because your blackberry brandy flask was empty. Pretty much you lived in the field all day. Therefore, your hunger, thirst, and necessaries were taken care of "in the woods". The general attire of the day, or to be stylish, was the red plaid wool coat, wool pants, and buckle golashes over work boots....except Benny, he came that year with a new fangled bright red, insulated hooded coveralls. First ones we ever saw in the North Woods. Anyways, every one gathered in after opening day at the shack (literally, a re-assembled WW1 field hospital heated by two OPEN tank whitegas heaters), the "guys", not us kids, replenished themselves with antifreeze, then had us all pile into two cars (a '58 Cad and a '61 Buick wagon held all 17 of us) off to the tavern to hear the open day war stories. Benny drove the Cad and I was in the Buick so I did not understand the joke of the other guys laughing at Benny for stepping in Bear sh*t and stink'n up his car. The revelry continued into the tavern, that was packed shoulder to shoulder with drunk hunters all brag'n about their hunt'n experiences of the day, and of course we all joined in. Everything was going good, until some stranger with beer muscles yell'd at Benny that he smelled like sh*t. It was ok for one of our group to humilate each other, but Lord knows thems fighting words coming from someone else. My father and his guys started throwing barley hop fists, and of course the others did also..till the bar keep shot his '86 .38-56 into the cieling. That drew the lines with Benny standing in front of his accuser, the bar keep said to shake hands, and they obliged. With that, Benny said "let's go", flipped up his hood and hit his accuser smack dap in the face with his feces! Apparently during the day Benny needed to defecate and pulled his coveralls down, sat across a log and cr*pped in his hood!

[mescalero1]

[CEMENTHEAD]

That's GREAT stuff!!!!! Thanks, Tom

[gamekeeper]

[Borregos]

OH MY

[20cows]

Did he get any of it on the fan?

[Hillbilly]

Thats a "Up North" deer camp story if I ever heard one...


~j

[kimwcook]

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[Griff]

I guess that's really bein' the "butt of a joke"!

[Hillbilly]

A few years ago I took some advise from one of the gun rags...."get on your deerstand really early- that way you can settle in before the deer wander back for bed at sunrise" was the gist of it.

So me... being one to follow directions ... stumbles up the trail before 3 am... and gets in the old blind.

Of course.. I fall in and out of sleep for a while... and start to notice a shadowy figure in my shooting lane. Didnt take long... but my sub concious mind decided that shadow was a buck staking me out.

After first light the truth came out.... birch stumps look like deer heads in the starlight. At least on 3 hours sleep.

My late second cousin liked to sleep in the woods. I left him at the base of a tree one morning... headed up the other end of the ravine and sat the morning. It snowed off an on.
About noon I went by Davids tree to get him for lunch... of course he was dead to the world....and covered in snow, with a set of tracks leading up to his outstretched legs (and a little scrape and rub action was evident also) and a set of tracks trailing away. David slept through a deer, literally in his lap.

[jkbrea]

My brother and I were hunting elk outside of Jackson, Wy. It was late morning and we weren't having any luck. He bugled in a bull elk within 100 yard but it wouldn't come out in the open. Didn't matter, we only had cow tags. I told him to go back about 50 yards and bugle while I low crawled forward with a video cam hoping to get the bull to come out of the tree line. Might as well get a cool video. While he and the bull are bugling back and forth, I hear a crashing sound and look to my right. A cow elk almost ran right up on top of me. It stopped and looked at me. That's when I realized I left my rifle ten yards away propped up against a tree. Then she ran off. Man, that still bugs me. Didn't get the bull video either.

[hocbj23]

On a turkey hunt in Mississippi about 5 years ago with 2 of my real old time Mississippi red-neck buddies.I had the camera,they (shudder) had the guns AND the Mississippi lemonade.Dawn breaks, and they start to gobble,cackle and carry on.Ole Tom gobbles back.They gobble some more.Tom sounds REAL close.We are all in camo under a huge oak tree.Unbeknownst to us,Ole Tom has sneaked up a dry creek bed and is not more than 10 feet behind us.One more gobble,Ole Tom spots the intrepid trio and takes full flight right over our heads.Scares the pee-waddin out of yours truly,followed by 2 very loud shotgun blasts as the dynamic and by now somewhat sloshed duo blaze away.A hit--on a very large tree branch which falls on our heads in a shower of leaves and twigs.I laugh until I am sick.Had part of the branch mounted on a suitable board and gave it to both of them .One still keeps it in his office.bj

[Old Time Hunter]

Ok, this one isn't too far in the past, maybe 10 or 20 years. Early spring Turkey hunt and of course, Up North again and we had set up a bunch of "outhouse" tents to use as blinds. Most were scattered a few hundred yards apart, but two were accidently set up within sight of each other (they were set up in the dark). All had coffee cans of feed corn in 'em and a chair. Anyways, as always we had a few in our party imbibe a bit too much at night, but by camp rules, every one has to be in the woods before day break. Somehow Jimmy and Ralph made it to the two "outhouses" that were in sight of each other, with Jimmy being a bit more awake so to speak started call'n in a Tom just after opening. The Tom broke cover just past Ralph's tent and started to walk past, Jimmy thought Ralph was going to get the first Tom of the hunt....but. The Tom apparently noticed some feed corn on the ground next to the tent and began pecking at the corn right up to the tent. Of course Jimmy just thought Ralph was wait'n for the Tom to move away so he could shoot it, but low and behold, the Tom stuck his head under the tent and disapeared inside! A few quite seconds past, then all hell broke loose. Ralph fight'n to get out of the tent and the Tom unleashing a racket unheard of on this earth before or since. Jimmy said that Ralph stumbled out of the tent without a gun with the Tom right behind. Ralph ran right past Jimmy with the bird peck'n at his feet until the Tom heard Jimmy laughing so hard that it sounded like a cow bellowing and scaddled the other way. Back at camp, Ralph was upset that Jimmy didn't shoot it, Jimmy's response was; "I thought you were going to lead it back to camp so we wouldn't have to carry it" laughing the whole time. Ralph must've been sleeping pretty hard to have a Turkey crawl into a 30" X 30" tent with him!

[Gun Runner]

Many years ago (back in the late 60's) a friend of my mom's asked if I would take his son deer hunting (boy was 23 yrs old), dint really relish the idea but said I would. Was gonna be a 2 day stay in the hills. Early the next morn. were out moving around looking and mother nature tells him he has to go now. He finds a tree to lean up against and leans his rifle against another close one. Got his drawers dropped and doing his thing when a 3 point walks into view about 50 feet away. Yea He Did. From the squated position he fired and fell back into what he had just done, missed the deer, and I just about hurt my self laughing. once he got himself cleaned up back at camp he informed me he was ready to go home THEN. Have never seen the kid since and has dad says he sold his rifle and gave up hunting.

Gun Runner