Forum rules
Welcome to the Leverguns.Com General Discussions Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here other than politics... politely.
Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
Pitchy wrote:Thanks everyone for the suggestions and the go not go seems about even.
I will not be going, he only talked to us a couple times in the 31 years of our marriage.
He has never been there for me or two of my other sisters who i`m sure won`t go either.
There will be no good that will come from me going and probably just make things worse.
Hope no one thinks less of me for not going but i buried him years ago in my life.
Thanks again for the prayers they`er appreciated.
I read that over sevral times Pitchy, I think thats the best choice for ya
FWiedner wrote:Sorry to hear about your loss, Pitchy.
If you're gonna spit on a fellas grave and then swing the Lord around like you got a stray cat by the tail, then at least acknowledge His concerns.
The main issue here is that he was your father, so pay appropriate respects. You decide what that entails.
That reply makes me sad i even posted at all, you can go to hell.
You don`t have a clue about anything.
Because I Can, and Have
-------------------------------------------------------------
USAF-72-76
God Bless America.
Disclaimer, not responsible for anyone copying or building anything i make.
Always consult an expert first.
Hey Bro I am very sorry for your pain....you and the Lord will work thru this....if that means not attending the service then that is fine. I will include you and your family in my daily Prayers.....
Pitchy wrote:Well fellas here`s one for your advice.
My dad lives 20 miles from us and hasn`t came to our house or called in that amount of time.
He devoiced my mother in 77 and us kids, never came too my mothers funeral when she passed in 2001.
I don`t believe i`m going to his funeral and i`m sure i`ll be made the bad person for it but my heart ain`t in it.
The most i can muster up is, Dad i forgive you and i`m sorry for the wrongs i did against you and i`ve been praying that you found the Lord.
RIP Dad.
This is hard to hear, Pitchy, please accept our condolances. Your heart is right and God loves infinitely forever, and you've placed this in His hands. He sorts the stuff we cannot.
Sorry for your loss. You have had nothing but grief in your life here lately. Talk to God and I know you and him will figure it out. God will direct you. Then there will be peace within yourself. Do what you feel you need to do. May your year ahead get better.
I'm praying for you. Clearly, you're still mourning the loss of your dad back in 1977 and his death shows that wound hasn't healed. You can only do your best so do what is right for you.
PS - you know that you will have friends here no matter which path you take. I think perhaps that FWeidner meant what I've said, that's how it reads to me.
Sincerely,
Hobie
"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we find in our travels is an honest friend." Robert Louis Stevenson
Pitchy, I wish I could be of more help. I am praying for you for whatever healing you need in spirit. I get along with my parents, so I can't understand what you have gone through, and shouldn't even try give any advice to you in this matter.
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Only advice that I can offer is to look into your soul at the same time you are looking at the horizon. Will you be better for not going today, but worse off tomorrow, or next year, or ten years from now? Sometimes pride overshadows regret in the short term, but runs roughshod over it aways down the trail.
FWiedner wrote:Sorry to hear about your loss, Pitchy.
If you're gonna spit on a fellas grave and then swing the Lord around like you got a stray cat by the tail, then at least acknowledge His concerns.
The main issue here is that he was your father, so pay appropriate respects. You decide what that entails.
That reply makes me sad i even posted at all, you can go to hell.
You don`t have a clue about anything.
Pitchy, you're a wierd old dude.
You came on sayin' you were looking for advice.
You related long felt hard feelings for your father and reason for same and said that that you didn't have the wherewithall to even show your father last respects by attending his ceremony. Then you said that you hoped he'd found the Lord.
Here's what the Lord said: #5, "“Honor your father and your mother..."
Nothing there about whether or not you 'forgive' them or if you feel up to it that day. You say you forgive? You claim to believe? Then do the right thing.
Then you tell a guy to go to hell because he tried to remind you to practice what you preach.
Advice ain't always just exactly what you want to hear.
Government office attracts the power-mad, yet it's people who just want to be left alone to live life on their own terms who are considered dangerous.
History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
“YOU heard that it was said, ‘You must love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ However, I say to YOU: Continue to love YOUR enemies and to pray for those persecuting YOU; that YOU may prove yourselves sons of YOUR Father who is in the heavens, since he makes his sun rise upon wicked people and good and makes it rain upon righteous people and unrighteous. For if YOU love those loving YOU, what reward do YOU have? Are not also the tax collectors doing the same thing? And if YOU greet YOUR brothers only, what extraordinary thing are YOU doing? Are not also the people of the nations doing the same thing? YOU must accordingly be perfect, as YOUR heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5:43-48
What, then, was the fruit that YOU used to have at that time? Things of which YOU are now ashamed. For the end of those things is death. However, now, because YOU were set free from sin but became slaves to God, YOU are having YOUR fruit in the way of holiness, and the end everlasting life. For the wages sin pays is death, but the gift God gives is everlasting life by Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:21-23
Pitchy my friend you have my deepest sympathies & condolences. Your father made himself an enemy by his actions. He paid for his sins with his death. Everything should be square now. I agree with others, show you have forgiven him by attending his funeral. I think you'll regret not going allot more than regret going. Show the whole family you are the better man.
Illegitimus Non Carborundum Akā, ʻo ka poʻe hilinaʻi aku iā Iēhova, e ulu hou nō ko lākou ikaika;
E piʻi ʻēheu aku nō lākou i luna, e like me nā ʻaito;
E holo nō lākou, ʻaʻole hoʻi e māloʻeloʻe,
E hele mua nō lākou, ʻaʻole hoʻi e maʻule.
`Isaia 40:31
Pitchy,
So sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope you go. It will give you a chance to bury the past, too. Before you can feel good about your place in life you have to feel good about yourself. Be the man you wanted him to be and go. If you do in time you will feel much better about yourself.
Very sorry to hear Pitch. My Dad's brother, who was very close to our family when I was young, stopped talking to my folks and the rest of the family in '86. None of us can figure out why. Didn't come to my Mom's funeral. Didn't come to my Dad's funeral. Didn't hear squat from his entire family. You can guess where I'll be when he or his wife passes, but probably unlike this guy and his family I'll feel bad about it. Like it sounds as if you are. Doesn't change the facts though.
Chin up. Hang in there. He made his choices and we all will face the judgement so press on.
Cheers,
Oly
I hope and pray someday the world will learn
That fires we don't put out will bigger burn
FWiedner wrote:Sorry to hear about your loss, Pitchy.
If you're gonna spit on a fellas grave and then swing the Lord around like you got a stray cat by the tail, then at least acknowledge His concerns.
The main issue here is that he was your father, so pay appropriate respects. You decide what that entails.
That reply makes me sad i even posted at all, you can go to hell.
You don`t have a clue about anything.
Pitchy, you're a wierd old dude.
You came on sayin' you were looking for advice.
You related long felt hard feelings for your father and reason for same and said that that you didn't have the wherewithall to even show your father last respects by attending his ceremony. Then you said that you hoped he'd found the Lord.
Here's what the Lord said: #5, "“Honor your father and your mother..."
Nothing there about whether or not you 'forgive' them or if you feel up to it that day. You say you forgive? You claim to believe? Then do the right thing.
Then you tell a guy to go to hell because he tried to remind you to practice what you preach.
Advice ain't always just exactly what you want to hear.
Hey, you don`t have a clue about what your talking about.
I said that i have forgiven my father and i pray that he found the Lord so he isn`t in hell where he prob belongs.
You don`t know anything about all the years me and my sisters waited for him to show up and he never did.
I could go on for ever with reasons not to go and i`m not so get over it.
I wish i never would of said anything about it because there`s always one smart butt like you that can`t say something smart.
I`ve had it, to me anyway for you to say what you said to someone that has done everything he can do to make his family a family for 40 years and got nothing back but pelosi like your spewing is more than i can take.
I`ll pray for you .
That being said i`m just agrivated about this that i`m taking a break before i say something i regret.
Too all that had something nice to say God Bless and carry on a shootin.
Because I Can, and Have
-------------------------------------------------------------
USAF-72-76
God Bless America.
Disclaimer, not responsible for anyone copying or building anything i make.
Always consult an expert first.
Oh man Pitchy I'm sorry for you. I would never try to tell someone in a tuff place like this what to do. I'm sure not qualified to offer advice. Lord knows I've seen my own relatives do things at times like this that makes me proud that I'm adopted.
You might be the strong shoulder someone else is looking for though. I'll be praying God will give you peace, comfort, and wisdom for what ever you do.
In Christ,
Rusty
If you're gonna be stupid ya gotta be tough-
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
I've had to fight tooth and nail to have a relationship with my children, and I only get one daughter at that.
Many men just give up and at one point, even my parents told me I should give up.
If you believe the things my ex-in-laws have said about me, you would also believe me to be an ax murderer.
The worst whore, liar, destroyer and thief in the world is the one who has to be justified in Jesus' name.
This may have absolutely nothing to do with you Pitchy, but a one-sided story is never accurate or complete, and it's really easy for it to be wholly false.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but I reserve the mineral rights!
All the knowledge in the world, is of no use to fools! (Eagles-long road out of Eden)
Pitchy wrote:He devoiced my mother in 77 and us kids, never came too my mothers funeral when she passed in 2001. I don`t believe i`m going to his funeral...
I probably wouldn't either, given those circumstances; but if you do go, you might learn more about him from the others who attend.
Your in my thoughts and prayers Pitchy. I pray that the Lord grants you peace through it all.
RustyJr
Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes.
Pitchy I made a similar choice at my father's death. He abandoned us young and treated my sister and God fearing mother like trash.
He can answer for his life. I will answer for mine. I too prayed for his soul and meant it but I had dealt with the painful past and nothing was glorified by attending a funeral.
My advice is make the right decision for your soul regardless of how tough it is. God will reveal if you are full of stuff or not. It always seems at times like this I am almost always wrong and my motives are suspect. But not always.
Sorry to hear of your loss. I'll say a prayer for the guy but it is you I care about.
I am going through a problem with my daughter to where if I died right now she might not attend mine. I havent slept well for 6 months. I have noticed for many years now many friends that once we knew each other well where we could confide in each other that far more than not most of them had similar situations with one or more of their kids! Most of us wont talk about it but in my experiance it is far more common than most think because usualy we dont hear about it much. Its a black subject with most of us that are in it. One of my observations on this its kind of like who gets to the cops first on a dispute. Have you noticed that when someone confides on something like this we ALWAYS immediately take the side of the person that is telling us? There is two sides to every story. Sometimes even the kid doesnt know why the father is like he is or why he left or whatever. Since over half of all marrages end up in divorice most of the time these falling outs are the result of blended familys in my experiance. Unless the father is a mean, unsupportive drunk, odds are the biggest share of these deals are huge big misunderstandings. I dont have my own situation solved yet either. I doubt if my daughter knows a small fraction of what I went through with her mother and what I went through to pay the unGodly supports for many years. My wife also had three kids long out of the house before we met. She is close to one but the other two has big problems and she has many grandkids she has no contact with because of their problems.
Sometimes the only thing you can do to survive with your saneity is to shut them out of your mind! My ex ran off with another married man and his wife died as a indirect result. Also she stold a fortune from me. I got very bad. At work for a spell my co workers were even afraid to work with me. I wasnt worth shooting for maybe the first 5 years! Then when my daughter and I got in this big disagreement I was driven to tell her that the only way I could survive was to attempt to forget her as much as possible.
I did recant that and appologised for it but I still havent heard anymore from her for many months.
I suspect many fathers have "dropped out of contact" for the same reasons. Its easier to have no contact than live a life of hell all over again. I hope things change for me and everyone else with the problem.
Pitchy, I've been out of town and away from my confuser, or would have posted sooner. I'm sorry you lost your Dad, but much sorrier that you lost him 31 years ago. I can't begin to know why, but I can imagine the heartache and rightfully placed resentment this must have cost you and your sisters.
If on the day of your father's funeral, you want to stay home with your wife and your Newfie, work on steam engines and maybe just say a prayer to yourself, that is the right thing for you to do. Those who know the details of your family history will fully understand why you didn't attend, and if they are your friends, they'll support you for it.
Truly asking God to cast healing oil on this troubled water and give your heart peace.
Bill
I never saw my Dad after the age of 4 or so, and my sister was just born. He kicked the bucket more than 30 years ago, and I would have spit on his grave, but, I also would not have dragged it into the public limelight at the time, either. I'm sorry for your personal pain, and I think you're looking in the right place for comfort. Just let the rage die off some. I suspect that everyone here is your buddy.
The Rotten Fruit Always Hits The Ground First
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
Pitchy wrote:Hey, you don`t have a clue about what your talking about.
I said that i have forgiven my father and i pray that he found the Lord so he isn`t in hell where he prob belongs.
You don`t know anything about all the years me and my sisters waited for him to show up and he never did.
I could go on for ever with reasons not to go and i`m not so get over it.
I wish i never would of said anything about it because there`s always one smart butt like you that can`t say something smart.
I`ve had it, to me anyway for you to say what you said to someone that has done everything he can do to make his family a family for 40 years and got nothing back but pelosi like your spewing is more than i can take.
I`ll pray for you .
That being said i`m just agrivated about this that i`m taking a break before i say something i regret.
Too all that had something nice to say God Bless and carry on a shootin.
I'm sure you've worked hard to make your family whole and successful.
Ya know Pitchy, not everybody in your life is gonna tell you just exactly what you want to hear or even say things in ways that you want to hear them.
Spite, like jealousy or chronic regret, is not a healthy emotion.
Government office attracts the power-mad, yet it's people who just want to be left alone to live life on their own terms who are considered dangerous.
History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
Booger Bill wrote:I am going through a problem with my daughter to where if I died right now she might not attend mine. I havent slept well for 6 months. I have noticed for many years now many friends that once we knew each other well where we could confide in each other that far more than not most of them had similar situations with one or more of their kids! Most of us wont talk about it but in my experiance it is far more common than most think because usualy we dont hear about it much. Its a black subject with most of us that are in it. One of my observations on this its kind of like who gets to the cops first on a dispute. Have you noticed that when someone confides on something like this we ALWAYS immediately take the side of the person that is telling us? There is two sides to every story. Sometimes even the kid doesnt know why the father is like he is or why he left or whatever. Since over half of all marrages end up in divorice most of the time these falling outs are the result of blended familys in my experiance. Unless the father is a mean, unsupportive drunk, odds are the biggest share of these deals are huge big misunderstandings. I dont have my own situation solved yet either. I doubt if my daughter knows a small fraction of what I went through with her mother and what I went through to pay the unGodly supports for many years. My wife also had three kids long out of the house before we met. She is close to one but the other two has big problems and she has many grandkids she has no contact with because of their problems.
Sometimes the only thing you can do to survive with your saneity is to shut them out of your mind! My ex ran off with another married man and his wife died as a indirect result. Also she stold a fortune from me. I got very bad. At work for a spell my co workers were even afraid to work with me. I wasnt worth shooting for maybe the first 5 years! Then when my daughter and I got in this big disagreement I was driven to tell her that the only way I could survive was to attempt to forget her as much as possible.
I did recant that and appologised for it but I still havent heard anymore from her for many months.
I suspect many fathers have "dropped out of contact" for the same reasons. Its easier to have no contact than live a life of hell all over again. I hope things change for me and everyone else with the problem.
God bless you Bill.
I haven't been able to speak to my 20-y-o daughter since her 17th birthday. I'm the only father she knew from 4-y-o, and I adopted her. I gave her a sweetheart ring and asked her permission when I proposed to her mother. Her mother was done with me when she had her through private school.
Her mother used the affair and first boyfriend to haul her off to Hawaii and drop her on her biological father. Once that was done, she was done with the first boyfriend (more likely 2nd or 3rd).
I'm sure the new boyfriend thinks he's a person, but he's a very specific financial goal (he's also an athiest).
And still sometimes when I'm starting off with my 13-y-o daughter, we're starting from scratch.
Everything we do together, all the fun we have, gets attacked.
It's all done in jesus' name, but the real god is money.
Last edited by bdhold on Wed Mar 27, 2013 9:31 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Sorry to hear of the pain that you have had to deal with over this and in the past as well. It never ceases to amaze me how some seem to get offended because their advice was ignored. I for one can't blame you for the ill feelings. To throw the biblical reference of honoring your father and mother at you in regards to this was totally out of line. Fortunately I was blessed with a great father, however, far too many kids in this world have experianced situations such as yourself. Fortunately for some, another man that was not their biological father stepped up to the plate.
Hopefully, all the DADs out there will take the underlying message here to heart. We should all strive to be the best Father, Husband, and man that we can possibly be.
My personal prayer to God is to make the be the man that my wife deserves for a husband and my daughters deserve for a Dad!
“Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.”
My father passed away about ten, twelve years ago, don't even remember to be honest. Never went to the funeral. He was not a good person, the fact that he's dead doesn't make him any better. I don't feel I missed out on anything, personally I say it's your call, do what you wish, I did, and I'm comfortable in my choices.
In Christian churches across the land, it is a long standing tradition on Father's Day and Mother's Day to honor those folks and heap laud and honor on them. I did this for many years and was glad to do so for the vast majority of Fathers and Mothers have earned the attention and honor.
However, on those days, it was a very difficult service to attend for folks who had rotten fathers and mothers. They felt like the "odd man/woman" out in all the hoopla. I always took time during the service to mention that like me there were folks out there, who did not have good fathers and mothers and we should remember than in God we have a divine parent who loves us, cares for us and sacrifices for us more than any human parent. God is the every loving daily presence in our lives that can fill the void and heal the wounds inflicted by lousy parents, if we just open ourselves up to him.
I can't tell you how many people, over the years, told me how much they appreciated being included in the service for they had bad parents. Bad parents, while not the norm, are all to common in this world.
It is OK to beat the "Honor thy Father and Mother" drum, but don't forget in those days, it was a child's obligation to care for the parents when they could no longer provide for themselves and that was the context of the injunction. Nothing about liking or even respecting your parents in there, for indeed many are not worthy of affection or respect. Those things are earned and not awarded.
You would dishonor your father if you let him starve to death, die of exposure or lack basic medical treatment. But not attending the funeral of a dishonorable father, IS NOT showing dishonor. Sometimes it is just good common sense. If you wouldn't stick your foot in a shredder, why would your stick your heart and emotions into a shredder by going to a funeral that causes you nothing but pain and bad memories.
I'm not much for faith, I'm one of those atheists mentioned about 4 pages ago, lol, but I say you're an adult, you make your choice, I'm not going to hold it against you, it's not my life to live. Do what's right for you, there really isn't any justification needed.
