OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Forum rules
Welcome to the Leverguns.Com General Discussions Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here other than politics... politely.
Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
Welcome to the Leverguns.Com General Discussions Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here other than politics... politely.
Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
I saw this on another forum and figured the gang here would get a kick out of it...
Kudos to "fenian" the original poster.
(Might have to try this, just for fun................)
Old No7
How To Buy A Gun (Without Her Approval...)
1 - Buy gun. Preferably use cash. Put receipt in shoe. (It will "age" it.)
2 - Put gun in trunk of car.
3 - Go home. Be strong. Leave gun in trunk.
4 - Try to not think too loudly about terrible itch to play with gun. Do not obviously salivate, except at dinner. Act normal. Do not moan or fidget. Be strong.
5 - At oh-dark-thirty, go out to car and retrieve gun.
6 - Be strong. Resist urge to look at, fondle or otherwise play with gun. (Try...)
7 - Immediately, but quietly, put gun in gunsafe, cabinet, closet or toy-box, as applicable.
8 - Put gun receipt in bibliography section of your copy of "Thermodynamics and Heat Transfer" or an equivalent non-wife-friendly book.
9 - To have excuse for being up at that hour, go to bathroom, flush toilet and return to bed and go to sleep.
10 - Be strong. Do not even think about gun for at least 3 full days.
11 - While the wife is absent, transfer gun to workshop area. Remove stock and place in gun-vise or work-stand, fixture, etc... Place rest of gun on workbench and cover with slightly-used cleaning rags or equivalent. (Gun's box, if any, goes in attic or wherever you keep such stuff; same with manual, if any.) Spread a few appropriate tools around the bench.
12 - Put some smelly stuff like mineral oil on a rag and leave on bench.
13 - Be strong. Wait an additional 3 days. Occasionally go to shop and rub the stock.
14 - When the wife finally asks about smells/stuff on bench/puttering, etc., DO NOT LIE. Say you're "rubbing a stock" or "Just working on one of the guns".
15 - Be strong. Put stock back on gun and leave in vise/fixture on bench. By this point, the wife should be used to seeing stock, parts, rags, etc. on bench.
16 - When the wife finally asks about "gun", "stock" or asks the dreaded question, "IS THAT A NEW GUN?", DO NOT LIE! Say: "OH, I'VE HAD THAT FOR QUITE A WHILE." (Not a lie -- because at this point it will seem like FOREVER to YOU.) If you're feeling daring, you can add: "You've surely seen it here many times. The stock probably just looks different to you."
OR -- You could just bring the gun home, blurt out your guilt, weep, and beg for mercy...
Kudos to "fenian" the original poster.
(Might have to try this, just for fun................)
Old No7
How To Buy A Gun (Without Her Approval...)
1 - Buy gun. Preferably use cash. Put receipt in shoe. (It will "age" it.)
2 - Put gun in trunk of car.
3 - Go home. Be strong. Leave gun in trunk.
4 - Try to not think too loudly about terrible itch to play with gun. Do not obviously salivate, except at dinner. Act normal. Do not moan or fidget. Be strong.
5 - At oh-dark-thirty, go out to car and retrieve gun.
6 - Be strong. Resist urge to look at, fondle or otherwise play with gun. (Try...)
7 - Immediately, but quietly, put gun in gunsafe, cabinet, closet or toy-box, as applicable.
8 - Put gun receipt in bibliography section of your copy of "Thermodynamics and Heat Transfer" or an equivalent non-wife-friendly book.
9 - To have excuse for being up at that hour, go to bathroom, flush toilet and return to bed and go to sleep.
10 - Be strong. Do not even think about gun for at least 3 full days.
11 - While the wife is absent, transfer gun to workshop area. Remove stock and place in gun-vise or work-stand, fixture, etc... Place rest of gun on workbench and cover with slightly-used cleaning rags or equivalent. (Gun's box, if any, goes in attic or wherever you keep such stuff; same with manual, if any.) Spread a few appropriate tools around the bench.
12 - Put some smelly stuff like mineral oil on a rag and leave on bench.
13 - Be strong. Wait an additional 3 days. Occasionally go to shop and rub the stock.
14 - When the wife finally asks about smells/stuff on bench/puttering, etc., DO NOT LIE. Say you're "rubbing a stock" or "Just working on one of the guns".
15 - Be strong. Put stock back on gun and leave in vise/fixture on bench. By this point, the wife should be used to seeing stock, parts, rags, etc. on bench.
16 - When the wife finally asks about "gun", "stock" or asks the dreaded question, "IS THAT A NEW GUN?", DO NOT LIE! Say: "OH, I'VE HAD THAT FOR QUITE A WHILE." (Not a lie -- because at this point it will seem like FOREVER to YOU.) If you're feeling daring, you can add: "You've surely seen it here many times. The stock probably just looks different to you."
OR -- You could just bring the gun home, blurt out your guilt, weep, and beg for mercy...
"Freedom and the Second Amendment... One cannot exist without the other." © 2000 DTH
- J Miller
- Member Emeritus
- Posts: 14885
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:46 pm
- Location: Not in IL no more ... :)
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Or, just be a man and go buy the gun and bring it home. After all, does "she" ask your permission to buy her shoes, hand bags, clothes, et al?
Joe
Joe
***Be sneaky, get closer, bust the cap on him when you can put the ball where it counts .***
-
- Levergunner
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:19 pm
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
My wife has no idea as to how many rifles or pistols are in my safe. When she sees me working on or cleaning a gun and asks "Is that a new gun?" my standard reply is "What, this old thing?".
- Old Savage
- Posting leader...
- Posts: 16760
- Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:43 pm
- Location: Southern California
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Let us remove this title - pronto!!!!
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
HEY! It worked for the first one but what do I do about the second one??
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
I'm with Joe,I got the 45 she approved of but tomorrow I pick up the 92/25-20 that she doesn't know about.J Miller wrote:Or, just be a man and go buy the gun and bring it home. After all, does "she" ask your permission to buy her shoes, hand bags, clothes, et al?
Joe
I mean how many shoes does she need, but by the same token - how many guns do We need.If We go by Their reasoning We have to coordinate Our Hanguns to Our Rifles "Right" That's good nuff for Me.
The List can go on And on. CC to CC, Blue to Blue Nickel to Nickel- makes sense to Me
So far I have gotten away with the Investment Line,so when is it time to reap the return ?
Perry in Bangor----++++===Calif
-
- Levergunner 3.0
- Posts: 838
- Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 8:37 am
- Location: Coshocton, Ohio N40.217, W81.834
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
I have never been married, but I am willing to bet most of you guys are not nearly so sneaky, as you have been allowed to believe.
"...In this present crisis, government isn't the solution to the problem; government is the problem." Ronald Reagan
"...all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." Declaration of Independence
"...all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." Declaration of Independence
-
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 5670
- Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:13 pm
- Location: DeeDee Snavely's Used Guns and Weapons
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
We have a simple rule: She doesn't ask about the safe, I don't ask about the closet or jewelry box...
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
- J Miller
- Member Emeritus
- Posts: 14885
- Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:46 pm
- Location: Not in IL no more ... :)
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
The unwritten rules in this house is I can have as many guns as I can afford .... after ..... all the bills and other expenses are paid. Same goes for the wife and her sewing stuff.
I'm not sure how it happened, but she's got way more stuff than I do.
Joe
I'm not sure how it happened, but she's got way more stuff than I do.
Joe
***Be sneaky, get closer, bust the cap on him when you can put the ball where it counts .***
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Major battles are usually won by strategy and tactics -
My wife gave me this Hi Grade Winchester 95 in 30-06 for our 25th anniversary 5 years ago -
All she got was this little ring - and she still thinks she got the best of the deal!!
OK - so I did "help" her find the rifle - husbands should help their wives any way we can - plus - she got to pick out the stone and mounting - we're both happy - she gave me this one for our 30th this year -
WORKS FOR ME !!!
My wife gave me this Hi Grade Winchester 95 in 30-06 for our 25th anniversary 5 years ago -
All she got was this little ring - and she still thinks she got the best of the deal!!
OK - so I did "help" her find the rifle - husbands should help their wives any way we can - plus - she got to pick out the stone and mounting - we're both happy - she gave me this one for our 30th this year -
WORKS FOR ME !!!
OJ KING
SEMPER FI
DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY
NRA LIFE MEMBER
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FORGET TO BURN THE BOX!!
If you're gonna be stupid ya gotta be tough-
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
- Old Savage
- Posting leader...
- Posts: 16760
- Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:43 pm
- Location: Southern California
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Quit bringing this darn thing to the top. Remove this title.
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Here.....these might help
The Rotten Fruit Always Hits The Ground First
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
-
- Senior Levergunner
- Posts: 1054
- Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:12 pm
- Location: Bushwhacker Capitol, Missouri
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Bite the bullet untill the first time she says something about "all those guns". Then you know you are home free. She doesn't know how many you have.
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
My wife simply says she gets them all when I die... Since she watches only murder mysteries and true crime shows I'm wondering how long I've got!
Sincerely,
Hobie
"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we find in our travels is an honest friend." Robert Louis Stevenson
Hobie
"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we find in our travels is an honest friend." Robert Louis Stevenson
- AJMD429
- Posting leader...
- Posts: 32313
- Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2007 10:03 am
- Location: Hoosierland
- Contact:
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
You're probably still safe, as long as she nags you about your health. The guys I have who come in and complain how their wives nag them about their diet, taking their medicine, getting their prostate checks and cholesterol tests, etc., seem to do ok - the ones whose wives just keep quiet think they're "lucky", but their wives are probably just putting a little extra money into buying more life insurance on them...Hobie wrote:My wife simply says she gets them all when I die... Since she watches only murder mysteries and true crime shows I'm wondering how long I've got!
Doctors for Sensible Gun Laws
"first do no harm" - gun control LAWS lead to far more deaths than 'easy access' ever could.
Want REAL change? . . . . . "Boortz/Nugent in 2012 . . . ! "
"first do no harm" - gun control LAWS lead to far more deaths than 'easy access' ever could.
Want REAL change? . . . . . "Boortz/Nugent in 2012 . . . ! "
- Ysabel Kid
- Moderator
- Posts: 27922
- Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:10 pm
- Location: South Carolina, USA
- Contact:
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Not to sound too borish, but while my wife works very hard, she does not work outside of the house. I consider the paycheck I earn to be ours, like everything else. We pay our bills first, save, and do the other things a family should. I don't ever threaten our financial health with my hobby. That being said, nor do I tell my wife about most of my activities around my hobby. I figure I'm going to do this whether I have her approval or not, so there is no point in getting into an argument. Call it my effort at marital bliss. She's not hurting for the things that put a sparkle in her eye either...
-
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 5670
- Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:13 pm
- Location: DeeDee Snavely's Used Guns and Weapons
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
You too, huh? Everyone in the family knows she watches that stuff and I've told her that if anything ever happens to me she'll be the prime suspect even if she DIDN'T have anything to do with it...Hobie wrote:My wife simply says she gets them all when I die... Since she watches only murder mysteries and true crime shows I'm wondering how long I've got!
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
I have a method that works for me. I have never gifted my wife with any appliance or anything that is connected in any way with housework, never. To the best of my ability, I will purchase diamonds for Christmas, and other jewlery and "girl stuff" for birthdays, Valentine's day etc. Flowers are random, whenever I think of them I'll bring home some. Whenever I go to the market I'll bring her chocolate. So, Love of My Life has never objected when I brought home that new levergun or 1911. Keeps us both happy...
Mike
Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit...
I've learned how to stand on my own two knees...
Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit...
I've learned how to stand on my own two knees...
Re: OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"
Ysabel Kid wrote: nor do I tell my wife about most of my activities around my hobby. I figure I'm going to do this whether I have her approval or not, so there is no point in getting into an argument. Call it my effort at marital bliss. She's not hurting for the things that put a sparkle in her eye either...
I also bring home the only paycheck (our money). My wife rarely gives me any problems about "gun stuff", except for occasionally raising her eybrows when looking at the "Guns, Ammo, Hunting" category while she is recording our weekly expenditures on Quicken.
Although, lately she has been encouraging me to list all of the serial numbers and "values" of my guns and even the value of the contents of my reloading room. Hmmm... she says that we really need to have it adequately insured.
Good idea, except I can't help but think that this is her way of finally getting an inventory of how many I've really got with out asking "Geeze honey, how many guns have you got in there?"
Or..., maybe she really just wants to be sure that they are insured if something happens, hmmm...