OT/Humor: "How to Buy a Gun (Without 'her' approval...)"

[Old No7]

I saw this on another forum and figured the gang here would get a kick out of it...

Kudos to "fenian" the original poster.

(Might have to try this, just for fun................)

Old No7

How To Buy A Gun (Without Her Approval...)

1 - Buy gun. Preferably use cash. Put receipt in shoe. (It will "age" it.)

2 - Put gun in trunk of car.

3 - Go home. Be strong. Leave gun in trunk.

4 - Try to not think too loudly about terrible itch to play with gun. Do not obviously salivate, except at dinner. Act normal. Do not moan or fidget. Be strong.

5 - At oh-dark-thirty, go out to car and retrieve gun.

6 - Be strong. Resist urge to look at, fondle or otherwise play with gun. (Try...)

7 - Immediately, but quietly, put gun in gunsafe, cabinet, closet or toy-box, as applicable.

8 - Put gun receipt in bibliography section of your copy of "Thermodynamics and Heat Transfer" or an equivalent non-wife-friendly book.

9 - To have excuse for being up at that hour, go to bathroom, flush toilet and return to bed and go to sleep.

10 - Be strong. Do not even think about gun for at least 3 full days.

11 - While the wife is absent, transfer gun to workshop area. Remove stock and place in gun-vise or work-stand, fixture, etc... Place rest of gun on workbench and cover with slightly-used cleaning rags or equivalent. (Gun's box, if any, goes in attic or wherever you keep such stuff; same with manual, if any.) Spread a few appropriate tools around the bench.

12 - Put some smelly stuff like mineral oil on a rag and leave on bench.

13 - Be strong. Wait an additional 3 days. Occasionally go to shop and rub the stock.

14 - When the wife finally asks about smells/stuff on bench/puttering, etc., DO NOT LIE. Say you're "rubbing a stock" or "Just working on one of the guns".

15 - Be strong. Put stock back on gun and leave in vise/fixture on bench. By this point, the wife should be used to seeing stock, parts, rags, etc. on bench.

16 - When the wife finally asks about "gun", "stock" or asks the dreaded question, "IS THAT A NEW GUN?", DO NOT LIE! Say: "OH, I'VE HAD THAT FOR QUITE A WHILE." (Not a lie -- because at this point it will seem like FOREVER to YOU.) If you're feeling daring, you can add: "You've surely seen it here many times. The stock probably just looks different to you."

OR -- You could just bring the gun home, blurt out your guilt, weep, and beg for mercy...

[J Miller]

Or, just be a man and go buy the gun and bring it home. After all, does "she" ask your permission to buy her shoes, hand bags, clothes, et al?

Joe

[fisheadgib]

My wife has no idea as to how many rifles or pistols are in my safe. When she sees me working on or cleaning a gun and asks "Is that a new gun?" my standard reply is "What, this old thing?".

[Old Savage]

Let us remove this title - pronto!!!!

[Derailed]

It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

[rogn]

HEY! It worked for the first one but what do I do about the second one??

[pwl44m]

Or, just be a man and go buy the gun and bring it home. After all, does "she" ask your permission to buy her shoes, hand bags, clothes, et al?

Joe

I'm with Joe,I got the 45 she approved of but tomorrow I pick up the 92/25-20 that she doesn't know about.
I mean how many shoes does she need, but by the same token - how many guns do We need.If We go by Their reasoning We have to coordinate Our Hanguns to Our Rifles "Right" That's good nuff for Me.
The List can go on And on. CC to CC, Blue to Blue Nickel to Nickel- makes sense to Me
So far I have gotten away with the Investment Line,so when is it time to reap the return ?

[Otto]

I have never been married, but I am willing to bet most of you guys are not nearly so sneaky, as you have been allowed to believe.

[awp101]

We have a simple rule: She doesn't ask about the safe, I don't ask about the closet or jewelry box...

[J Miller]

The unwritten rules in this house is I can have as many guns as I can afford .... after ..... all the bills and other expenses are paid. Same goes for the wife and her sewing stuff.
I'm not sure how it happened, but she's got way more stuff than I do.

Joe

[OJ]

Major battles are usually won by strategy and tactics -

My wife gave me this Hi Grade Winchester 95 in 30-06 for our 25th anniversary 5 years ago -







All she got was this little ring - and she still thinks she got the best of the deal!!



OK - so I did "help" her find the rifle - husbands should help their wives any way we can - plus - she got to pick out the stone and mounting - we're both happy - she gave me this one for our 30th this year -



WORKS FOR ME !!!

[Rusty]

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FORGET TO BURN THE BOX!!

[Old Savage]

Quit bringing this darn thing to the top. Remove this title.

[Blaine]

Here.....these might help

[765x53]

Bite the bullet untill the first time she says something about "all those guns". Then you know you are home free. She doesn't know how many you have.

[Hobie]

My wife simply says she gets them all when I die... Since she watches only murder mysteries and true crime shows I'm wondering how long I've got!

[AJMD429]

My wife simply says she gets them all when I die... Since she watches only murder mysteries and true crime shows I'm wondering how long I've got!

You're probably still safe, as long as she nags you about your health. The guys I have who come in and complain how their wives nag them about their diet, taking their medicine, getting their prostate checks and cholesterol tests, etc., seem to do ok - the ones whose wives just keep quiet think they're "lucky", but their wives are probably just putting a little extra money into buying more life insurance on them...

[Ysabel Kid]

Not to sound too borish, but while my wife works very hard, she does not work outside of the house. I consider the paycheck I earn to be ours, like everything else. We pay our bills first, save, and do the other things a family should. I don't ever threaten our financial health with my hobby. That being said, nor do I tell my wife about most of my activities around my hobby. I figure I'm going to do this whether I have her approval or not, so there is no point in getting into an argument. Call it my effort at marital bliss. She's not hurting for the things that put a sparkle in her eye either...

[awp101]

My wife simply says she gets them all when I die... Since she watches only murder mysteries and true crime shows I'm wondering how long I've got!

You too, huh? Everyone in the family knows she watches that stuff and I've told her that if anything ever happens to me she'll be the prime suspect even if she DIDN'T have anything to do with it...

[mikld]

I have a method that works for me. I have never gifted my wife with any appliance or anything that is connected in any way with housework, never. To the best of my ability, I will purchase diamonds for Christmas, and other jewlery and "girl stuff" for birthdays, Valentine's day etc. Flowers are random, whenever I think of them I'll bring home some. Whenever I go to the market I'll bring her chocolate. So, Love of My Life has never objected when I brought home that new levergun or 1911. Keeps us both happy...

[damienph]

nor do I tell my wife about most of my activities around my hobby. I figure I'm going to do this whether I have her approval or not, so there is no point in getting into an argument. Call it my effort at marital bliss. She's not hurting for the things that put a sparkle in her eye either...

I also bring home the only paycheck (our money). My wife rarely gives me any problems about "gun stuff", except for occasionally raising her eybrows when looking at the "Guns, Ammo, Hunting" category while she is recording our weekly expenditures on Quicken.

Although, lately she has been encouraging me to list all of the serial numbers and "values" of my guns and even the value of the contents of my reloading room. Hmmm... she says that we really need to have it adequately insured.

Good idea, except I can't help but think that this is her way of finally getting an inventory of how many I've really got with out asking "Geeze honey, how many guns have you got in there?"

Or..., maybe she really just wants to be sure that they are insured if something happens, hmmm...