OT: Clean Funny

Pete44ru · Post by **Pete44ru** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:22 am

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went hunting.

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A woman came home with her car, screeching into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! - You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!...TURN THEM NOW!.... We need more butter. Oh my gosh!.. WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?... They're going to STICK!.... Careful. CAREFUL! ...I said BE CAREFUL!.. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!......... Turn them!... Hurry up! Are you CRAZY! ? Have you LOST your mind?...... Don't forget to salt them.... You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

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Thirty-five years ago, George Oliva, a Massachusetts mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued George a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for George for 35 years.
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Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:51 am

Perfect!

brucew44guns · Post by **brucew44guns** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:13 am

Here is a good example of some clean honest fun and jokes that make you bust a gut. Bible says that Laughter is like a medicine, maybe I won't take my Blood Pressure pills this morning!!, thanks for sharing. Bruce

TedH · Post by **TedH** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:24 am

I especially like the one with the eggs! To close to home.

gamekeeper · Post by **gamekeeper** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 12:13 pm

rjohns94 · Post by **rjohns94** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:03 pm

stretch · Post by **stretch** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:52 pm

I've seen all of them before - and they're all still funny.

Nice post!

C. Cash · Post by **C. Cash** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:16 pm

Thanks Pete. I still like the Polish one the best

JReed · Post by **JReed** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:41 pm

Out-Bloody-Standing

.

RIHMFIRE · Post by **RIHMFIRE** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:02 pm

I'm gonna use the first one next hunting season...

LeverBob · Post by **LeverBob** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:49 pm

LOL

You forgot the rimshots "Henny"!

LeverBob
Ta-Da!