HUMOR - TERRORISM SOLUTION

oldgerboy · Post by **oldgerboy** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 9:00 pm

A buddy who is a retired CPO gave this to me.

New Direction for the war on terrorists.

I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down
terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending
18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You
shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm
tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some
buttwipe that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut
us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the heck. Besides, like I
said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as
well be up killing some fanatical s.o.b.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we
put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an
appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an
excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me .. er ... one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've
never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still
hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes,
not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our
kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off
into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us
on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now
is a couple of million PO'd old fanny burbs with attitudes and
automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind
them.

If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the
first night.

jeepnik · Post by **jeepnik** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 9:24 pm

Makes some good points but... I did the military thing when I was in my late teens early twenties. Training kicked my butt. In country, it was kicked even worse. I'm well past 35, and I can tell you, I couldn't do it when I was that age. Besides, the young men and women doing it today are doing one hell of a job. That said, I would gladly take the oldest boys place when he is sent back for his fourth tour in Iraq.

homefront · Post by **homefront** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 9:47 pm

Jeepnik,

There's a lot of us here who'd take his place too, for what it's worth.
I'll pray for him, sir.

PPpastordon · Post by **PPpastordon** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 11:07 pm

Jeepnik;

At our church it is a regular thing to pray for our military personnel - and especially those who are overseas. I will remember your oldest in our prayers in the morning.

It is my prayer that all churches would remember our military personnel. It is certainly the Christian thing to do.

oldgerboy;
Those old CPO's are a little weird; that is how they became CPO's.
Obviously, being weird does not mean they cannot write good stuff. Maybe they write good stuff because they are weird?

Grace and Peace,

Griff · Post by **Griff** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 11:18 pm

jeepnik, likewise. Prayers up.

Ppastordon/oldgerboy; CPOs can't write anything except signing their name. You see, CPOs have this permanent crook in the their index finger from spending untold hours holding a coffee cup. That was obviously dictated to a Seaman 1st Class.

Rexster · Post by **Rexster** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 12:41 pm

An "Old fanny burbs Regiment" might be a good idea. I would gladly take my youngest brother's place when it comes time for his third tour in Iraq later this year. There are guys my age and older over there now, but they signed up when they were much younger. One had been inactive for some time, but was able to go back, volunteering right after 9-11-01. By the time the age ceiling was raised, I was too old. I may not be up to such things as obstacle courses, but I can work a guard post, and I can shoot. I go into dark buildings, looking for bad guys, to this day, wearing a badge. Perhaps I should be content; after all, there are several prime terrorism targets in my assigned area, including chlorine storage and an Israeli consulate, and a prime smuggling route from the southern border passes through. Still, I will never know what it is like to be with comrades in a foreign land on St. Crispin's Day.