Semi-OT: FIL's dementia; why I don't shoot rifles much.

[Rexster]

In the 12 years I have known him, Mr. P****, his adopted USA name, has gone from being an intellectual giant, to someone who must be watched like a toddler. He was born in the newly independent Poland between the World Wars. A child prodigy violinist, he was a young man when Germany invaded from the west, and Russia invaded from the east. He narrowly averted death multiple times, and he lost friends and family members to both sets of enemies.

A "good slave," once the Germans were settled in, he raised silkworms for them, and played his violin for them. He also performed administrative duties, which included issuing work permits. Some of the permits he issued were forgeries, to allow freedom fighters and spies to move about. When the Russians "liberated" Poland, he was in danger; the communists wanted the Poles to be good slaves, not freedom fighters.

He hid with relatives in Czechoslovakia, where he was unknown to the local population, but that could only last for a little while, as his Czech relatives were in danger by hiding him. He made his way through the forest to the American sector of Germany. After a series of miraculous events, he ended up playing for two major symphony orchestras in the USA. In his time, he was considered one of the top few violinists in the world. (My wife says one of the top two, but I figure she is prejudiced.)

OK, now for the lever rifle part! I met Mr. P**** when he and his daughters came into the jewelry/pawn shop where I was moonlighting in the daylight as security. (I work nights as an LEO.) One of his daughters bought him a Winchester '94 off the rack, and inquired about an owner's manual. Well, I had an '94, and an owner's manual, and there is such a thing as copy machines. For better or worse, that is how I met Joyce.

We used to go shooting on my FIL's land. Not really a shooter himself, he enjoyed watching us shoot. Nowadays, though, we have to keep him away from weapons. Sometimes, he does not know who we are, and considers us his captors. He has mentioned the concept of using a firearm to gain his freedom, to "go home." He does not understand that his home is our home; he wants to go back to his little duplex.

I am not looking for sympathy; this is life, and life is not always easy. A great man is in his difficult years, and knowing him during his great years makes it all worth it. Someday, I will have more freedom to get out of the city and shoot rifles more often.

Life is good!

[Mich Hunter]

Sounds like he is one hell of a man. They sure don't make them like that anymore I would be proud to have known someone like that.

[JerryB]

Praise God that you have had a man like that in your life. God will bless you more for what you are doing now.

[mescalero1]

I thought there was a drug that could mitigate dementia?

[Tycer]

Just went through the same thing with my FIL, except he was not in my home.

If I ever get like that take me out back and SSS please.

[Rexster]

I thought there was a drug that could mitigate dementia?

There are drugs for it, but they merely slow its progress, by creating plateaus in the level of dementia. Inevitably, the patient reaches an edge of that plateau, and falls to another level. The first drug we tried had bad side effects. The current one, Nemenda, IIRC, has no bad side effects, but is also less effective at slowing dementia's progress.

According to a local dementia support group, five years is the usual time from diagnosis to death. My FIL has far exceeded that time; I think he was diagnosed about ten years ago, and it stayed at a very minor level for most of that time. He is 90 years old right now.

[2ndovc]

I thought there was a drug that could mitigate dementia?

Only to a certian extent and usually at the onset. It's usually a progressive thing that gets
worse as time goes on.

My best friend's Dad had alzhimers when we were still in high school and died shortly after we graduated he was only 67.

It was an awful thing to watch. A man who was a brilliant engineer and all around great guy regressed over just a few
years to a near catatonic state.


Rexter my heart goes out to you and your family.


jason

[mescalero1]

My condolences.

[model55]

Just remember who he was and your love for that person.It is like that person is going back to being child like-a hard thing to watch.I find it hard to because with the age group that is going through it now we are losing more of the Great Generation to this as well.My Condolences as well. Chin up.There are drugs but like what was already said they only level things out they do not stop it.

[Rexster]

Thanks for the support, though I wanted my post to me more of a tale of a great man than fishing for support. As someone mentioned, it is like the adult is becoming a child. My FIL is very much like having a toddler in the house. We love our children when they are toddlers, don't we, and find joy in them? Like I said, life is good! Regular recreational rifle shooting can wait.

[Old Ironsights]

Sad.

Does his mind still "click" to violin music? Alzheimers/Dementia patients are somewhat remarkable in what is lost and what is retained with new clarity...

Sometimes simply activating an "unbroken" section of Mind can allow access to areas otherwise blocked...

[Doc Hudson]

I am not looking for sympathy; this is life, and life is not always easy. A great man is in his difficult years, and knowing him during his great years makes it all worth it. Someday, I will have more freedom to get out of the city and shoot rifles more often.

Life is good!

Well that is too freaking bad!

Because not only do you, Joyce and Mr. P all have my sympathy, but you and Joyce have my respect for the way you are taking care of her Dad.

It is a crying shame for a heroic and talented man to be brought to such a point in his life. I dread the day when my Mom comes to that point.

God Bless you all.

[piller]

That is too bad. Just shows that Alzheimers disease doesn't respect anyone. Many of the people who were living in Europe during WWII had some amazing stories, and it sounds as his was one of them. May he be filled with peace, and may you and your wife have the strength and wisdom to continue.

[Griff]

Rexster,
Prayers up for your father-in-law and for you and Joyce be able to carry on. I went thru that with mine, although not in our house. He'd certainly have been welcome. He was a 3rd generation American that at 16 volunteered to fight his brethern agaisnt the wishes of his father and grandfather. Joined the Navy and ended up on Liberty ships taking war supplies between the US and England. He had his ship sunk by U-boats three times. He survived the war fairly intact, but was nearly deaf in both ears from infections from water immersion. At 69 he lost his wife to cancer, and was bereft for a about a year. Then met a new lady @ church and seemed to recover some of his old spark. That lasted until about 74 when he started to exhibit the early signs of alzheimers. By the time he passed earlier this year, he was so out of touch that he'd attacked all three of his children for trying to rob him, all in his mind, as everything had already passed to the lady friend. My wife tried to keep a long distance relationship, but was spurned at all turns... when he finally passed, the resentment was too much, she couldn't get up the effort to attend his funeral. When asked, she said, she'd already passed her period of mourning the loss of her father... the man who died was a stranger. I think I understand, but... in case not, I'm working on not being judgemental.

[AJMD429]

Sounds like he is one hell of a man. They sure don't make them like that anymore.

Yes they do. They do things like this...

Because not only do you, Joyce and Mr. P all have my sympathy, but you and Joyce have my respect for the way you are taking care of her Dad.

Not all of life's heros are participants in drama, war, espionage, or whatever; some of them just are the kind of rock-solid types who care for their family, friends, and neighbors. They all deserve appreciation, and likely would ALL behave in the ways each other did if dropped into the same situations.

I had two relatives with Altzheimer's - both 're-lived' their 40's, but one had a decade of fear and poverty and loneliness to re-live, and the other a decade of wealth, comfort, and family travel to re-live. It sure made a difference.

[kimwcook]

My condolences for that is a hard row to hoe. My maternal grandmother had alzheimer's and dementia and she lived until she was 99. She didn't know me for about 15 of those years and in fact we had an incident in which my mom left me with her in the car as she went into get grandma some stuff from the store. It really scared her because she didn't know who I was. I felt really sad for her and made me feel bad for being that catalyst. I said good bye to her a long time before she actually passed. Prayers.

[model55]

+ 1 on the respect.There is a small blessing in that when someone has this, as someone else mentioned different piece of memory come up.Point being you will hear stories from Mr P you may not have before and you may want to write or record them in some manner.You are taking on a duty that so many dismiss now days.

[Blaine]

[Hobie]

I have a good understanding of what you're going through as do several others here. It is what it is. You and your family have our prayers.

PS - I think you know that what you do now honors him more than just about anything else you could do. I'm going over to give my mom a hug today...

[brucew44guns]

It's a sad situation, when a "Giant" in our life becomes somewhat of a fallen giant. It's such a common thing, happening all the time, yet when it's close it really gets to us. My smpathies to you and your wife at this time.

[rjohns94]

thank you for sharing. I was enriched by the reading of your post. You have my prayers

[Rexster]

Sad.

Does his mind still "click" to violin music? Alzheimers/Dementia patients are somewhat remarkable in what is lost and what is retained with new clarity...

Sometimes simply activating an "unbroken" section of Mind can allow access to areas otherwise blocked...

He doesn't seem all that interested in recorded music, but he enjoyed a recent trip to a violin shop, where my wife and sister-in-law took his violin to be looked at to verify it was the Italian violin made in the 18th Century, that his documentation supported. We had suspected a "friend" may have talked him out of his treasured violin, and wanted to make sure he still had his good one. Anyway, two employees of the shop played a cello and violin for him, and he enjoyed that very much, according to my wife.

Interestingly, after he retired, he shunned music for years. Once he could no longer play perfectly, up to his his standards, after having had to rehabilitate two broken arms, he seemed to be uninterested. (This was in the 1980's.) The recent violin shop trip may have rekindled something.