Humor - Murder at WalMart

Welcome to the Leverguns.Com Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here ... politely.

Moderators: AmBraCol, Hobie

Forum rules
Welcome to the Leverguns.Com General Discussions Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here other than politics... politely.

Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
Post Reply
User avatar
Ysabel Kid
Moderator
Posts: 28848
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:10 pm
Location: South Carolina, USA
Contact:

Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Ysabel Kid »

Murder at WalMart

So, here's the story. . .

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Art ie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...








(You're going to hate me for this ... )





'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'



Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff,
I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you. :D
Image
C. Cash
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 5384
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:02 pm

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by C. Cash »

Well you got a decent chuckle out of me Ysabel, but my mind is warped and easily entertained! :wink: Thanks for the chuckle.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Chuck 100 yd
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 6972
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2007 8:52 pm
Location: Ridgefield WA. USA

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Chuck 100 yd »

:D
Bigahh
Levergunner 3.0
Posts: 927
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2007 9:53 pm
Location: N.E. Wisconsin

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Bigahh »

You have to smile at least a little... :)
Doc Hudson
Member Emeritus
Posts: 2277
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:22 pm
Location: Crenshaw County, Alabama

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Doc Hudson »

I can remember when the headline read:

Artie Chokes 3 for a $1.00

But now artichokes are almost $2.00 each! :D
Doc Hudson, OOF, IOFA, CSA, F&AM, SCV, NRA LIFE MEMBER, IDJRS #002, IDCT, King of Typoists

Amici familia ab lectio est

Image Image
Image
UNITE!
User avatar
El Chivo
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 3682
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:12 pm
Location: Red River Gorge Area

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by El Chivo »

YK, that's twice you posted this one :lol:
"I'll tell you what living is. You get up when you feel like it. You fry yourself some eggs. You see what kind of a day it is."
User avatar
Borregos
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 4756
Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:40 am
Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Borregos »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Pete
Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile gnawing through the leather straps to get up in the morning..................
User avatar
Ysabel Kid
Moderator
Posts: 28848
Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:10 pm
Location: South Carolina, USA
Contact:

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Ysabel Kid »

El Chivo wrote:YK, that's twice you posted this one :lol:
Probably. My memory is getting so bad that my wife is going to have to start calling me "YK". It is the name I seem to see most! :wink:
Image
JohndeFresno
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 4559
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2007 1:52 pm

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by JohndeFresno »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
GANJIRO

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by GANJIRO »

I heard the Safeway version of it a few years back but still funny. :lol:
Sixgun
Posting leader...
Posts: 19270
Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:17 pm

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Sixgun »

C. Cash wrote:Well you got a decent chuckle out of me Ysabel, but my mind is warped and easily entertained! :wink: Thanks for the chuckle.

Yea, me too. I laugh at most anything :D ------Sixgun
This is Boring & Mindless……Wasted Energy
rjohns94
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 10820
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:02 pm
Location: York, PA

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by rjohns94 »

thats pretty silly
:lol:
Mike Johnson,

"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S. Eliot
User avatar
Rimfire McNutjob
Advanced Levergunner
Posts: 3369
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:51 pm
Location: Sanford, FL.

Re: Humor - Murder at WalMart

Post by Rimfire McNutjob »

I love mindless humor. This is one thing that really gets between the wife and I. Something like "Shaun of the Dead" I can watch over and over and she is completely disgusted by the movie. I'm not allowed to even Tivo an episode of SouthPark because she's worried it will degenerate me farther than I already am. Occassionally I'll catch it live though if she's already gone to bed.
... I love poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.
Post Reply