HUMOR - NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

[Old Ironsights]

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

[alnitak]

How true...

[Ysabel Kid]

After these last couple weeks, this hits way too close to home!!!

Hell, I guess I didn't really want to retire someday after all!

[awp101]

I can laugh at those only because I changed jobs at the end of June. Moved my 401k to an IRA in July, started the process of moving my pension in Aug and it was finalized a couple of weeks ago. That means I got it out of the old company's stock before everything fell out and both are sitting in the IRA as cash since I haven't gotten around to figuring out how I'm going to invest them.

They may not be making me any money right now but they sure as the devil aren't losing value by the hour (unless the dollar TOTALLY tanks... ).

OTOH I may have to dip into them to make ends meet if things keep heading they way they have been recently....