HUMOR: Gunsmithing Tools 101

[Old No7]

Seems I have a few of these too...

Old No7

GUNSMITHING TOOLS 101

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching a flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room.

WIRE BUFFING WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from your fingers in about the time it takes you to say "Oh sh*t!"

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make wooden blocks too short.

BELT SANDER:
An electric-powered sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs -- into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside various mechanical devices.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing the shop's wall integrity.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes -- thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good sheet material into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside...

AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert beautiful slotted screws into ugly non-removable screws.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the expensive metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a $4 part.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts or sensitive body part adjacent to the object you are trying to hit.

[Duff L Bagg]

Thats only funny because I have not been out in the shop for several days.

Everyone knows that the "SHOP" is an above ground dungeon used for self inflicted torture and injury.

[Ysabel Kid]

Humor heck - that's a perfect description of reality - at least for me!

[gamekeeper]

I make a point of staying away from most of those things.

[TedH]

I can relate to most all of those statements.

[Pete44ru]

HEY ! ! - I represent that stuff !



.

[stretch]

I've seen that one several times before - and it's still funny!

And, alas, oh so true!