A Riparian Tryst.....

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A Riparian Tryst.....

Post by Ray »

They called him Pill. I'm quite sure I've introduced Mister Pill here before, most recently :

https://www.levergunscommunity.org/view ... =1&t=79585

Pill was what you might charitably describe as ugly without causing yourself any qualms of conscious. Pill was of slight build but he had a proportionally enormous, lumpy asymmetric head with a domed, beetling brow and squinty edgar g. robinsonesque eyes that could bore right through you. The only time those flinty eyes ever seemed to soften was as he was preparing to tell a tale.

In this case a bunch of us pagans and infidels, instead of attending sacred services, were mobbed together of a sunday morning around the lunch counter and soda fountain at rufus' & b.t.'s nickel & dime store. Pill, hard on the eyes as always, was particularly dour and gloomy this a.m. and, all by himself seemed to dim the bright fluorescents like clouds blocking the sun. At some point during the several conversations re. politics and sports and current events and local gossip there was a curious whirring sound and sleepy (at least one in three male southrons go by either an affectionate diminutive or a descriptive sobriquet)....as I was saying, there was a whirring noise and sleepy howls and jumps up off of his barstool, rubbing his lower backside. Seems some clowns had snuck up behind him and, while one had prodded him with copper electrodes, the other had turned the crank of an attached old fashioned telephone generator giving sleepy a definate but harmless jolt of direct current.

After all of the yah-yahing and chafing had died down Pill asked to see the telephone motor. He looked wistfully at it sitting there on the formica countertop, slowly turning the crank then, handed it back to its owner with a look of disgust. Then came the slight, feigned cough and the throat-clearing that always proceeded one of his stories as he gave the menu over the soda fountain a glossy, out of focus gaze.

"It was the spring of '57 or '58 and my freshman or sophmore year in high school when the army corp. of engineers and the electrical cooperative had finished their work. It would be the last summer that we could enjoy our old haunts on that stretch of the coosa. The river bottom with its hardwoods and brambles and the surrounding cotton and soybean fields would soon be under 30 to 40 feet of water. Most of you know we had moved from that forty acres at ballplay where I was born..... up-river to a much bigger and more fertile place at moshat. And oh how I loved that stretch of the river and knew its every bend and banks and shoals and blueholes. The only thing missing was a female companion to share it with."

"The only girl for me was tommie sue ______. We had come-up through school together, always sitting at our desks, one in front of the other. She was a cute little thing, blonde and blues, padded with just the right amount of baby fat as she prematurely ripened into a woman, seemingly right there before our very eyes. Yes, I was smitten, yea, riddled by cupid's arrows !"

"Now tommie sue was as innocent and chaste as a snowflake to me despite the school playground and locker room gossip to the contrary. I mean, how could any of that scuttlebutt be true? She was scarcely into her teens.....and looked....looked pure to me. But ask her out on a picnic or river jaunt as much as I could, she always went out with some other numbskull. She and I were too much like brother and sister she would explain."

"Like I said, it was the spring just before the fall when the flood was supposed to rise when tommie sue finally said yes. I was quite pleasantly surprised at her agreeing seeing how she and that overgrown fortenberry essobee had been carrying on. On the early morning of the day appointed for our outing I got the old bateaux in trim and tuned and tested the wee 3.5 h.p. chicago brand putt-putt. Ma packed us a basket of egg salad and pimento cheese sammies and a jug of lemonade. Pa, thinking me as more of a stick in the mud than a social butterfly just irreverentlly advised me to keep "it" in my britches with a playful elbow nudge and an insinuating eye wink."

"Oh the joys of that three hours or so on the rippling water. Filled to the back teeth on sammies and lemonade, we just kind of got drowsy and dreamy. I leaned back against the tiller of the outboard, one eyeball on the possible hazards of the river and the other on the provocative, sprawled posture tommie sue had assumed, facing me. I must have actually dosed and at first I thought it just a torrid dream but the sound and sensation of unbuckling belt and zipper were real enough and the next thing you know, tommie sue was astride me in a most inappropriate manner. In an instant I realized my worst fears. Those naughty, backbitting tales against her must actually be true. I was aghast with indignation and thought at first to virtuosly push her away but for some reason that I could not account for, I found both my hands pulling her in tighter."

" Both hands was an accurate description, which of course left the tiller ignored. The next thing I knew, the bow had lurched steeply up the bank and tommie sue fell hard on top of and against me. I grappled frantically for the tiller behind me but must have grabbed the sparkplug wire instead. Tommie sue yowled-out a demoniac yell and, pushing off and up with her feet, she dismounted me and scrambled on all fours up the tilted bateaux, across the bow and disappeared into the rank privets and brambles and canes. I yelled after her to return, knowing we were miles from her home but she was gone and there I was, ran aground with my britches and skivvies down around my ankles !"

Well it was so quiet you could have heard an ant crawl and we tried to stay somber and attentive but were all soon laughing until our ribs hurt and our teeth were loose. Pill glared at us with obvious displeasure which busted up the gathering posthaste with one and all leaving singly and by twos and threes until it was just Pill and me and the soda jerk left.

After a while Pill ordered a cup of joe and lit a new cigarette. He cleared his throat and continued the story like there had been no interruption.

"I didn't see any more of tommie sue that summer nor the next school semester but when we mustered back after the new year, there she was as pretty as ever but looking a bit older around the eyes and at the corners of her mouth. She made a startling but frank confession to me. She had been with child up north at an aunt's to deliver it and see it adopted into that family. Though she wasn't showing yet way back then, she had known that she was incubating the bairn of that fortenberry scoundrel and had conspired a ruse to make me think that I was the guilty one. The reason being that his folk were pulp wooders and truck farmers and mine were cotton farmers with Pa working full-time in a union shop at the tire factory."

"In fullness of time we wed and she bore me a set of paternal twins. We seemed to get along well but I never was much good in the feathers and always seemed to leave her wanting. Then one night we were sharing a post coital cigarette after she had had her way with me. She laughed and reminded me of that afternoon on the river. No man, me included had ever made her feel just like that adventure she said. And did I think we could ever artificially and scientifically replicate it ? 'Now' I asked and she nodded. I was pretty well spent and didn't think I could do her much good even with the help of direct current. The lateness of the hour and the inclimate weather nixed a trip to the lake under which our old trysting site lay. But I had a new lattern battery and hanks of copper wire and a brass plumb-bob which would serve as a conductive item of more or less phallic shape. She said that she was ready and willing!"

"And it was an absolute disaster. I think I had the electrical theory all correct but I did not take into account just how cold that that brass plumb-bob would be to her in such a delicate location. She let out a yell, not dissimilar to that one on the river bank so long ago and we were estranged from that night on."

"If I had only thought to warm that plumb-bob." he lamented.

Me and the soda jerk both tried our best to control ourselves but we made eye contact and that was enough for the laughter to break out unabated. I involuntarily blew egg creme soda through my nostrils and the soda jerk went off to wait custom on the after-church crowd filtering in. By the time I had come to my senses, Pill was gone, his coffee cold and a cigarette butt smoldering in the ashtray.

Last edited by Ray on Sun Feb 21, 2021 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A Riparian Tryst.....

Post by piller »

Shocking! I guess she was not as amped up as she thought she was. The light in her eyes went out after that.
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Re: A Riparian Tryst.....

Post by Bronco »

It is always great to have a good story teller around the fire :D
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Re: A Riparian Tryst.....

Post by Blaine »

A whole 'nother way to spark wimmin....
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