OT Humor Corn fed deer.

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mikld
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OT Humor Corn fed deer.

Post by mikld »

I got this in an email this morning. I figured a few folks would enjoy a laugh.

Why we shoot deer in the wild

(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this).

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.

The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when . I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go.

A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work.. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God...

An Educated Farmer
Mike
Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit...
I've learned how to stand on my own two knees...
pwl44m
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Re: OT Humor Corn fed deer.

Post by pwl44m »

Reminds Me of a time Many years ago, We were out Hunting when a Deer ran across the road in front of Us and got hung up going under a fence. My Brother bailed out to try and catch It. The instant He grabbed hold of the Deers hind legs was when He decided it was a BAD idea.
Perry in Bangor----++++===Calif
Buffboy
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Re: OT Humor Corn fed deer.

Post by Buffboy »

While I'm not sure that is a true story modified over time, I'm quite sure that could be a likely scenario.

A true story: I have a friend that bulldogged a basket racked 4X4 buck some 30 years ago. He was bowhunting some trees, blocking as his brother in law pushed. A doe came by, got an arrow that went in the front and out the back. It piled up a few yards past him. When the buck following the doe came by, he dropped his now empty bow, grabbed horns and away they went. Now, my buddy is a large lad, has to have his compound bows customized to reach his draw length, and only family commitments kept him from turning pro as a rodeo bulldogger. He was quite good. His comments about this adventure were that, it was the hardest bulldogging that he'd ever done. After his BIA refused to shoot the held down buck, they hogtied it, painted it's antlers blaze orange, its sides with "cow" and "don't shoot me" in blue paint, installed ear tags, took lots of pictures throughout and then turned it loose.

This buck stopped a 270 bullet launched by me a few weeks later about 15 miles from this contact. It had shed it horns and the blue paint had worn off. I thought it was a big doe, imagine my surprise at walking up to my doe and seeing red ear tags.
"People who object to weapons aren't abolishing violence, they're begging for rule by brute force, when the biggest, strongest animals among men were always automatically 'right.' Guns ended that, and social democracy is a hollow farce without an armed populace to make it work."

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El Chivo
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Re: OT Humor Corn fed deer.

Post by El Chivo »

Years ago I was riding on a job with a sign painter, we were returning from Fresno and were heading south on Pacific Coast Hwy or thereabouts. He was telling me how common and dangerous collisions with deer were in that area, when, a doe tried to cross in front of us, both of us were going full speed ahead. Boom, we hit her, thankfully we were in a pickup truck.

The doe crossed the road and could go no farther, she had a broken hip and was sitting on her haunches. The sign painter was a tough guy, he had been telling me lots of Korean war stories. Anyway, with the injured doe, it was time to execute one more prisoner. He went and got a hammer out of the back of the pickup, and instructed me to straddle the doe and hold her steady by the ears.

I approached her from the side, as I didn't want to risk the family jewels at that time in my life. I grabbed her and shut my eyes while he put her out with the hammer. She snorted and bucked but thankfully couldn't kick. I don't remember if I had her by the ears or around the neck or what, but I held on while he made meat. Then we looked nonchalant in case an LEO might pass, then loaded her up.

He dropped me off at the corner where the movie theatre marquee said "Bambi" which was playing at the time. I never did get any venison, but did run into him again and heard about the Hunter's Stew his wife made.
"I'll tell you what living is. You get up when you feel like it. You fry yourself some eggs. You see what kind of a day it is."
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